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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185354">Can't Make Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sergeant_Sporks/pseuds/Sergeant_Sporks'>Sergeant_Sporks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons), Wizards: Tales of Arcadia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood, Broken Bones, Burns, Comfort, Frostbite, Gags, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, Terror, Torture, Trauma, Whump, fighting torture with sass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:28:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sergeant_Sporks/pseuds/Sergeant_Sporks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Douxie was always prepared to die for the cause.<br/>But no one said anything about torture.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Sacrifices We Make</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where is she?”</p><p>Douxie didn’t respond. At this point, he didn’t have the energy to tell them for the umpteenth time that he didn’t know where Nari was.</p><p>Ice started to form on his hands, chilling him to the bone.</p><p>“Are you trying to lose your hands, little wizard? Do you think that frostbite is funny?”</p><p>Douxie managed to raise his head slightly. “No, I think it’s hilarious. Just the word makes me break out laughing, say it again.” There was always enough energy for a sarcastic quip.</p><p>Skrael snarled. “You’ll lose that attitude, one way or another. Let’s see how you feel in a few hours.”</p><p>Yeah, he’d probably pay for that little comment. But every time Bellroc or Skrael came in to interrogate him assured him of one thing.</p><p>That Nari was still out there, and he’d made the right choice.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie raced into the apartment, startling Nari and Archie. “We have to go. Now.”</p><p>Nari immediately started packing up the few things they had. “Why? What’s happening?”</p><p>“I saw Bellroc lurking around—they’ve found us.”</p><p>“Did they follow you?” Archie asked urgently.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so. I went down to the subway, and they can’t track me from above that way. But if they’re in the city, it’s time to go. Even if it takes longer for them to find us…”</p><p>“It would be a disaster,” Nari said softly, “There are many people here who would get caught in the fighting.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Douxie said grimly, “Everyone ready?”</p><p>Nari and Archie nodded, and Douxie made a quick call to the landlord. “Hi, yes, this is Hisirdoux, I have number 32? I’m going to be leaving early.”</p><p>“Yeah?” the landlord’s voice crackled, “What, did you lose one of your jobs, kid? Can’t pay the rent?”</p><p>Douxie tapped his foot impatiently. “Something like that.”</p><p>“I’ll need your key. And I’ll be keeping the security deposit.”</p><p>Right, right. That was about what he’d expected. “Okay, got it.”</p><p>“You sound like you’re in a rush.”</p><p>“Just a bit.”</p><p>There was a heavy pause. “Kid, are you in some kind of trouble?”</p><p><em>More than you know</em>, Douxie thought wryly. “Only financially.”</p><p>“There are some people looking for roommates if you need to split the rent, I’m sure we can figure it—”</p><p>“No!” Douxie struggled to get his voice under control. “No. Thank you, but I’m leaving.”</p><p>Another heavy pause. “Are you sure you’re not in trouble?”</p><p>Douxie wondered if he was asking because he was actually concerned for him, or if it was because he didn’t want something bad happening at his apartment. Time to lie like the wind. “A customer got really mad at me and pulled a gun. We called the police, but I’m pretty sure they followed me here, so I’m moving.”</p><p>“Alright, alright. Come on by to drop off your key—”</p><p>“Is it okay if I just leave it here? I’m pretty sure I can see their car outside.”</p><p>“You should call the police.”</p><p>“Tried that. Didn’t work. Can I leave the key?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. You got a car to move your stuff?”</p><p>“I’m good, I’ve got it.”</p><p>“Alright. Hey, good luck finding somewhere else.”</p><p>“Thanks. Bye.” Douxie hung up the phone. “I’ll call my jobs later, let’s get moving.”</p><p>They all but ran from the building, and Douxie started heading for the subway. “I’m sorry,” he apologized to Nari, “I know you don’t like them, but it’s one of the only ways that Bellroc and Skrael won’t see us.”</p><p>Nari nodded. “I’ll manage,” she said confidently, but she clung to Douxie’s arm and clutched Archie tightly to her as they got on.</p><p>It was a tense ride, and Douxie kept glancing around, sure that at any minute, Skrael or Bellroc would appear on the tracks in front of them and attack the subway. But they got to the last stop without any issues, and came out closer to the edge of the city. Douxie scanned the tops of buildings for any sign of the Order, but all he could see were pigeons.</p><p>“C’mon, let’s find the timeship and get out of here. Maybe we can hide in the amazon—it’s huge, and they wouldn’t be very mobile in there.”</p><p>They almost made it, too. They were just making it out of the suburbs when Skrael appeared in front of them. “Going somewhere, Nari?”</p><p>Douxie put one arm out to block him from Nari. “I guess you want another trip through time?”</p><p>“Fool me once, shame on me,” Skrael hissed, “I’ll kill you if you try something like that again.”</p><p>“Oh, that wasn’t on the list already? I’m flattered.”</p><p>“Just come with us,” Bellroc’s changing voice boomed behind them, “Nari, fulfill your purpose.”</p><p>Douxie started making plans, discarding most of them as they popped into his head. There had to be a way to get all of them out of this. Maybe…</p><p>Douxie slammed a bubble trap on the floor at his feet. “Not so fast!” he yelled, “If I step on this, it’ll blow us all to high heaven!”</p><p>“Douxie!” Archie yelped.</p><p>“You <em>wouldn’t</em>!” Bellroc yelled.</p><p>“Idiot!” Skrael hissed, “It would kill you, too!”</p><p>“Oh, I would. See, that’s the funny thing. The only thing stopping you from using those seals is Nari. An explosion of this size I’m relatively certain would kill all three of you—no more arcane order. I’ve had this plan for a very long time—I wasn’t expecting it to take you this long to track Nari down.”</p><p>“Douxie?” Nari whispered.</p><p>Skrael glared at him. “If it was your plan the whole time, then do it. Blow us up.”</p><p>Well, bluff over. Douxie stomped on the spell, rolling away from the bubble as it formed around Nari and Archie. Bellroc and Skrael disappeared as he stepped on it, giving him a few minutes. “Sorry, guys.”</p><p>“Douxie, no!” Archie yelled, “Don’t do this—not again!”</p><p>“Douxie, please,” Nari pleaded.</p><p>Douxie put one hand on the bubble spell. “I’m sorry. I want to go with you guys—you mean more to me than anything in the world, and I’d go with you if I could. But I also swore I wouldn’t let the Order get their hands on Nari. And if that means I stay behind… then I stay behind.” He charged up a spell, pointing it right at the bubble.</p><p>“Douxie!” Archie yelled.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Douxie said again, releasing the magic. It hit the bubble spell and sent his friends flying towards the timeship. “I’ll find you again!” he yelled, “That’s a promise!”</p><p>“How creative,” Skrael hissed, “You do love using beginners’ spells, don’t you?”</p><p>Douxie turned to face them. He had to keep the order away from the timeship as long as possible, give Nari and Archie time to escape. “You know, this is starting to get very familiar, Skrael, reminds me of a certain time I blew up your airship. You, me, Bellroc. Nari and Archie getting away.”</p><p>“In case you don’t recall, that time didn’t go well for you, either,” Skrael growled, “Let’s see if you can cheat death ag—”</p><p>Douxie blasted him with a beam. “Sorry, I love a good monologue, but there appears to be one missing…”</p><p>The ground beneath him rumbled, turning to lava. He barely jumped away, managing to avoid burning his feet off. “There you are! Come on out, Bellroc, everyone give them a hand!”</p><p>Bellroc roared, shooting their own beam of magic at Douxie, who threw up a shield. Skrael zoomed around to the other side, and Douxie put up another shield, wincing as he took pressure from both sides.</p><p>“Give up!” Bellroc howled, “Surrender and bring us to Nari!”</p><p>“No, thanks,” Douxie replied. He pushed harder with his own magic, forcing them back, “She’s not yours to have.”</p><p>“And you think you can control her? She’s much stronger than you, tiny wizard. You are no Merlin, and if she decides once again that she wishes to fight alongside us, she will crush you in a moment.”</p><p>“I dunno about that, you two are both supposed to be stronger than I am, but I seem to be doing pretty well.”</p><p>If there was one thing Douxie was good at, it seemed to be infuriating other people. Skrael and Bellroc both yelled, and their beams intensified, blasting through his shields. Douxie rolled to the side as the beams met where he’d just been seconds ago, and then the ground turned to ice under his feet. Douxie slipped, skidding into a tree. “Oh, <em>fuzzbuckets</em>, does this mean I’m as clumsy as <em>Steve</em>?”</p><p>He ducked behind the tree as Bellroc fired another blast, but unlike at their fortress ship, they didn’t have a problem with shooting at pieces of the environment, and a blast of fire went straight through the tree and slammed into his back. The world whited out for a second, and when it came back into focus, Skrael had frozen his hands and feet to the ground.</p><p>“Where’s Bellroc?” Douxie managed. <em>Ow</em>—he was pretty certain that Bellroc’s beam had burned his back.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, am I not enough for you? Bellroc is catching Nari and your furball friend. They’ll be back in moments.”</p><p>So they hadn’t found her yet—good. “Oh, I don’t think Bellroc is going to find Nari.”</p><p>Skrael’s eyes narrowed. “And why is that?”</p><p>“Because if the two of you were confident that you would have her soon, there wouldn’t be any reason for you to keep me alive.”</p><p>Skrael’s eyes narrowed, and the ice started creeping up Douxie’s arms and legs. “That can be easily changed.”</p><p>Douxie heard Bellroc roar in anger. “Oh, right on cue. Face it. You two don’t have a <em>clue</em> where she is, and you never will.”</p><p>Bellroc came storming back. “Where is she?” they demanded.</p><p>“Where’s who?”</p><p>“Nari! Where have you stashed her, <em>wizard</em>?!”</p><p>Douxie shrugged. “I haven’t stashed her anywhere. I’m pleased to say that I haven’t the foggiest where she is.”</p><p>Bellroc hissed in anger. “Take him back to the base,” they ordered Skrael, “He knows where Nari is, and he WILL tell us.”</p><p>The ice started to creep over Douxie’s face, and the last thing he heard was Skrael muttering “It would have been easier for you if you’d died the first time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Things That We Take</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Douxie waited until Skrael and Bellroc had left, leaving him chained up and without his bracelet. Yeah, like that would stop him. He was still a <em>wizard</em>. Douxie summoned all the magic he could, and with a jerk of his arms, broke the chains. Right, then. Where were those two?</p><p>Douxie crept out of the cave he was in. Subterranean tunnels—where <em>were</em> they? He kept his left hand on the wall—there would be an eventual way out that way. Unless the tunnels were magical and would shift and change, but he was relatively certain that they were just regular tunnels.</p><p>Douxie didn’t run into any trouble as he made his way through the tunnels. Suspicious. Bellroc and Skrael were paranoid—he should have run into a guard, or one of them by now.</p><p>Unless they wanted him to escape. If he escaped, he might try to find Nari and lead them right to her. Right, then. He wouldn’t go find Nari. He’d go the exact opposite of wherever he thought she’d go and lead them on a lovely wild goose chase.</p><p>Douxie squinted as he came out in bright sunlight. He had <em>no</em> idea where he was—all the better. He couldn’t find Nari if he couldn’t even find himself.</p><p>Douxie started to run, pelting as far away from the cave as he could. He was lucky that their plan had been to follow him to Nari. He didn’t exactly feel like dying again.</p><p>He was free for one week. One week before they appeared in front of him. Without his staff or bracelet, his magic was limited, certainly not strong enough to fight two demigods. Douxie settled for talking.</p><p>“Ah, you two didn’t give me enough time to find her. You came out too early. I was expecting <em>at least</em> another week before you revealed yourselves.”</p><p>“I <em>told</em> you he would see right through us,” Skrael hissed.</p><p>“There was no way for him to know!” Bellroc roared back.</p><p>They started arguing, and Douxie quietly backed away from them, turning and running once he thought he was far enough away.</p><p>The ground iced over underneath him again, and he slipped, falling hard. The ice on the ground covered his hands, locking him in place.</p><p>“Fuzzbuckets,” he grumbled.</p><p>Bellroc and Skrael reappeared in front of him. “You <em>will</em> bring us to Nari,” Bellroc growled.</p><p>“Good luck with that.”</p><p>Bellroc grabbed his arm with a burning hot fist and they disappeared, reappearing back in the cave.</p><p>“This is fun,” Douxie remarked cheerfully as ice pinned his wrists to the wall, “Same cave, I’ll escape again, you know.”</p><p>“Skrael?” Bellroc growled, “Make sure he won’t be able to use his magic.”</p><p>Skrael grinned, and for the first time, a thrill of fear shot through Douxie. He couldn’t do that—right?</p><p>A massive hammer of ice appeared in Skrael’s hands, and what Bellroc had meant clicked just before Skrael swung the hammer right into Douxie’s left arm.</p><p>A blinding shock of pain shot up Douxie’s arm, and he screamed, white hot needles of agony racing towards his brain. He barely even felt it when Skrael broke his other arm. The ice fell away, and he collapsed to the ground, which sent another wave of pain up his body.</p><p>“Pathetic,” Skrael hissed, and he and Bellroc disappeared, leaving Douxie alone. Douxie curled up, dry sobs escaping as he clutched his injured arms to his chest. He wiggled one finger, and spikes of pain hammered through his nerves. Douxie bit down on his lip at the pain, hard enough that he tasted blood.</p><p>“Ah—ah—”</p><p>Douxie didn’t move for a while. He kept waiting for the pain to fade, but it never did. It was almost a relief when ice crept over his limbs, making them numb.</p><p>“Are you ready to tell us where Nari is?”</p><p>It was a good thing he didn’t know—Douxie was almost ready to tell them, if it would stop his arms from hurting. But he shook his head mutely.</p><p>“Awwwww, is the little wizard out of funny lines? What’s the matter, little wizard? Cat got your tongue?”</p><p>Douxie closed his eyes, ignoring the demigod.</p><p>“All you have to do is tell us where she’s hiding,” Skrael purred, “That’s it! And then we’ll let you go.”</p><p>Douxie knew that wasn’t true. “Don’t know where she is,” he muttered.</p><p>“Really? That so?”</p><p>There was another, blinding shock of pain from his left hand, and Douxie’s eyes shot open as a scream burst from his throat. Skrael had his hammer again, and had brought it crashing down on his hand, breaking his hand and probably all of his fingers, too.</p><p>Skrael raised the hammer again, this time over his right hand. “Where is she, little wizard?”</p><p>Douxie couldn’t speak—he just shook his head. And the hammer came crashing down again.</p><p>Wizards, as a general rule, were hardy and tough. Even after he’d fallen a thousand feet to his death, Douxie had gotten up afterwards and left. But breaking his bones like this was a whole other story, and he blessedly passed out.</p><p>He didn’t know what time it was he woke up—maybe that was what Skrael and Bellroc wanted. Everything hurt—especially his arms, but everything was just one dull ache, and his throat was screaming for water. He shivered. Was Skrael making it cold in here? His heart was beating a rapid tempo in his chest, and his lungs felt tight—he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t—</p><p>“Archie?” he called with a gasp, “Merlin?”</p><p>Where were they—where had they <em>gone</em>?! Had they abandoned him?!</p><p>Douxie curled up into a ball, manacles on his ankle clanking. Even that little bit of movement sent shocks of pain up his spine, making spots dance in front of his vision.</p><p>“He’s going into shock,” Skrael’s cold voice said above him, “His body is shutting down.”</p><p>“Then snap him out of it,” Bellroc growled. They nudged Douxie, and the pain made him retch. “Tell us where Nari is.”</p><p>“I—don’t—know!” Douxie whimpered.</p><p>Bellroc stomped on Douxie’s left hand, and he screamed again, hard enough for his throat to split. He gagged on the blood, coughing.</p><p>“I don’t,” he gasped, “I don’t know.”</p><p>Ice crept over his feet, and over his ankles. “I suggest you tell us,” Skrael threatened, “Frostbite will set in, soon, and you don’t want those manacles to be peeled off after they freeze onto your skin.”</p><p>Douxie was still coughing up blood, and barely heard him.</p><p>“Leave him a few hours,” Bellroc ordered, “He’ll talk.”</p><p>Then they were gone, leaving Douxie to his misery. His shoes were protecting his feet for now, but the manacles were already cold and freezing to him. Douxie kept shuddering, unable to get a good breath in. What was it Skrael had said about shock?</p><p>“Archie,” he called again. His familiar was always there—always showed up when Douxie needed him. “Archie?” he coughed, his voice breaking off in a whimper. “Archie, please…”</p><p>Skrael reappeared. “Stop your mewling, or Bellroc is going to burn your tongue out. Your pet isn’t coming.”</p><p>“…’s not… not my… my pet,” Douxie managed, “’s my… my friend.” He didn’t want Skrael to see him cry—he wanted to be strong, he bet that Jim or Claire wouldn’t break in front of their enemies, but he wasn’t THEM, they were heroes, through and through, and he was the one who always messed everything up. Skrael gave him a disgusted look as he gave a shuddering sob.</p><p>“Oh, please, you’re making this no <em>fun</em>.” Ice crept over Douxie’s mouth, and he jerked away from Skrael, screaming against his gag.</p><p>“Stop your crying,” Skrael ordered, and Douxie felt ice form at the corners of his eyes. He shook his head, as if he could shake the ice away, but it froze completely over, like a blindfold.</p><p>Douxie’s body shook like a leaf. He couldn’t see—he could barely breathe—and his feet were going numb. And every shiver sent shocks of pain from his arms. Any tears he could cry froze to his skin, and any breath out his mouth just hit a wall of ice.</p><p>And then Skrael left, and he was <em>alone</em>, horribly <em>alone</em>, and he didn’t know how <em>long</em>, but it felt like <em>eternity</em> passed while he sat there, blindfolded and gagged, his whole body starting to go numb, the only feeling a gnawing hunger.</p><p>“He’s not shivering,” Bellroc’s voice said in disbelief.</p><p>“I know,” Skrael answered, a smile in his voice, “He’s so cold he can’t even shiver. Isn’t that hilarious?”</p><p>“Leave us,” Bellroc ordered, and then there was a blinding flash of heat, and the gag and blindfold were gone.  Douxie still didn’t open his eyes—he didn’t want to. He was just <em>so cold</em>, he didn’t think he could move. “Skrael finds human pain amusing. To me, it’s just a means to an end. Tell us where Nari is, and I will grant you a quick death.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t say anything. He didn’t think he <em>could</em>.</p><p>Bellroc gave him a kick, and Douxie gave a harsh cough that seemed to tug at his lungs. “Don’t think that it means I will be any less merciful than Skrael. You <em>will</em> tell us where Nari is.”</p><p>“C-can’t.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“’m not… her… jailer… she can go… where she wants…”</p><p>Bellroc gave him a disbelieving kick. “How were you planning on finding her again, then?!”</p><p>Douxie managed a very small, weak smile, his eyes still tightly shut. “T-to be honest, I didn’t—didn’t have a plan.”</p><p>Bellroc howled, but then a ringing noise came from Douxie’s pocket. Who was trying to call him?! Now?! Bellroc couldn’t find out that he could call Nari!</p><p>“What’s that?” Bellroc said sharply.</p><p>“Bomb,” Douxie said immediately.</p><p>“Nice try, but that won’t work a second time,” Bellroc hissed, and Douxie’s phone floated out of his pocket. “Who is this who is calling you?”</p><p>The phone dropped next to Douxie, and Nari’s voice came out. “Douxie? Are you safe?”</p><p>Douxie found strength he didn’t know he had left, and yanked his foot around, slamming the manacle down on the phone, cracking the screen. Bellroc yelled, but before they could do anything, Douxie hit the phone again, breaking it in two.</p><p>Bellroc grabbed him by the throat, their hand burning hot, searing Douxie’s skin. “You MISERABLE WRETCH,” they howled, shaking him, “HOW DARE YOU?!”</p><p>They dropped Douxie, and he gasped, choking in air and half-sobbing, the burn sending new waves of pain through his body.</p><p>Bellroc was breathing heavily. “You can contact her,” they said suddenly, “You contacted us, with magic. You can contact Nari.”</p><p>“Need… bracelet.” If he could get his bracelet…</p><p>Bellroc snorted their disgust, and disappeared, reappearing with Skrael and his bracelet. “If you try anything…” the warned</p><p>Skrael seemed to take special delight in the way that Douxie jerked away with a half-scream, half-sob when he slapped the bracelet on Douxie’s broken arm. Douxie managed to lift his arms, gasping with every movement, spots dancing in front of his vision.. But still, he pointed his arm at Skrael.</p><p>“T-tenebris, ex-exilium!”</p><p>A blast of magic shot towards Skrael, but didn’t become the powerful beam Douxie had hoped for, because the kickback made his vision go blurry. He tried to aim the next blast at the chains on his ankles, but his arms weren’t working, and neither was his voice. Bellroc screamed their fury, and Douxie was thrown backwards into the wall, his head connecting <em>hard</em>.</p><p>When he woke up again, his bracelet was gone. Douxie didn’t even know if he could have used it if he did have it.</p><p>“You think you’re clever, don’t you, little wizard?” Skrael hissed, “Contact Nari.”</p><p>“C-can’t. Need to—to know where she is,” Douxie slurred, his head still spinning.</p><p>“Not true,” Bellroc boomed, “We’re using you to contact her—whether you do it, or we use your link with her.”</p><p>The two of them started chanting, and Douxie felt a tug in his gut that shifted to an explosion of pain, like every particle of magic in his body was turning on him. He hadn’t thought he had any energy left to scream. He’d been wrong.</p><p>Skrael and Bellroc’s chanting got louder, and the world started spinning away. The last thing he heard was Nari, saying in a very scared voice, “Douxie?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I forgot how fun writing angst is, Douxie better watch out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Bonds That We Share</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nari had been having nightmares. She could feel every living being—and she could feel Douxie’s pain. He was hurting. A <em>lot</em>.</p><p>Archie was worried, too. She could tell. The familiar kept looking out for Douxie, kept flying around wherever they would move in an attempt to see if he’d found them. He never did. Nari had told the familiar what she felt—all of the pain—and Archie had gone into a kind of shock. He wasn’t talking. He barely ate anything. He just paced back and forth.</p><p>Minutes after Nari had tried to call Douxie, blue magic started to swirl. Nari gasped. “Douxie?” she asked, her voice wavering.</p><p>But it was Skrael and Bellroc who appeared in the communication spell. “Nari. Come back to us.”</p><p>Archie lunged to his feet. “Where’s Douxie?! What have you done with him?!”</p><p>“Oh, your precious little wizard? He’s our honored <em>guest</em>!”</p><p>Nari felt everything inside of her go hard and cold. “If you’ve hurt him…” she threatened.</p><p>Skrael reached down, pulling Douxie up by the hair. “Oopsie, guess I did a little bit.”</p><p>The cold hardness inside of Nari just shattered as she looked at her friend—he looked <em>horrible</em>, and he was just… limp. He wasn’t even awake. Nari’s anger melted into fear, deep, deep fear that on top of everything, she’d lost Douxie. But then his eyes opened, just a slit.</p><p>“Nri?” he slurred, “Rchie?”</p><p>“Douxie!” Archie yowled, his voice frantic with fear, “Douxie, are you…” he broke off. Douxie was very definitely <em>not</em> okay. “Douxie, just hold on! We’re going to get you out of there!”</p><p>Skrael shook Douxie, and he yelped, even though it was so horribly obvious that he was trying not to. “Nari… come to us, and we promise that we’ll release your precious little wizard. We will allow he and his little familiar to walk away.”</p><p>Nari’s heart started to pound in her chest. “You… you promise?” she said, her voice wavering.</p><p>Douxie looked up, his eyes suddenly clear and staring into hers. “N-nari,” he gasped, “If you try to turn yourself in to the order, I will bite my own tongue, choke, and die.” He hadn’t seemed particularly clear before, but on that one thing, he spoke with absolute conviction.</p><p>Nari jerked backwards. “D-Douxie…”</p><p>Skrael swore, and threw Douxie to the ground. Nari heard a muffled cry of pain, and she put a hand to her mouth.</p><p>“We’re coming for you, Nari,” Bellroc promised, “Give up, and make it easier on yourself.”</p><p>The magic disappeared, and Nari’s legs wobbled, sending her to her knees. “What do we do?! We can’t just leave him there! But if we show up to rescue him, he might…”</p><p>Archie started pacing again. “We need to call in the guardians of Arcadia.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Claire had been planning a date for today. She and Jim were going to go out on a picnic. So she raced to answer the door when she heard the knock, but when she opened it, Nari and Archie were the ones there.</p><p>“Hey—what are you two doing here?” she glanced around. “And where’s Douxie?”</p><p>At that, Nari’s eyes filled with tears, and Archie’s back arched. Claire had seen enough angry cats to know what that meant, and a thrill of fear shot through her.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Douxie has been—been captured,” Nari sobbed, “And he is hurt—we need you, Claire.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>“Didn’t this plan go very, <em>very</em> badly last time?”</p><p>Claire shook her head, pulling on her gauntlet. “Don’t worry about it, Toby. Last time we had to deal with zombie King Arthur and a hostile troll Jim as well as the Order. This time, it’s just the order, and I don’t think we’ll have to worry about whether or not Douxie will come with us.”</p><p>“If he <em>can</em> come with us,” Krel muttered.</p><p>“Yeah,” Steve agreed, “What if they worked their scary voodoo magic on him like they did to Lake?”</p><p>“This time, we’re not trying to trick the order into thinking that we’re giving Nari up,” Jim interrupted, “If we do that, Douxie might do something reckless and hurt himself worse. The plan is for Steve, Krel, Archie, and Toby to launch a frontal assault on the order to make it look like we’re trying to rescue Douxie, while Claire and I slip in through a portal to grab him.”</p><p>Archie growled. “I want to come with you through the portal.”</p><p>Claire shook her head. “We’ve been over this, Archie. If you don’t show up in the rescue attempt, they’ll get suspicious—they’ll be expecting you to come rescue Douxie, and if you’re not there, they’ll figure us out. So you need to be part of the frontal assault, okay?”</p><p>“Fine,” Archie grumbled, “But the <em>instant </em>you have him—”</p><p>“I’ll call you back so you can help take care of him,” Claire promised, “Everyone ready?”</p><p>They nodded, and Claire turned to Nari. “It’s up to you.”</p><p>Nari put one hand on the ground. “I can feel Bellroc and Skrael,” she said finally, “And Douxie—he’s still alive. They’re in a cave system…” she held a hand out to Claire, and Claire took it, using Nari’s link to make a portal. Her friends stepped through, and she turned to Jim. “You ready?”</p><p>“Always,” he promised, “We’ll get him back, Nari. We promise. In the meantime, go to the hedge wizards. If the order comes back to Arcadia after we rescue Douxie, we don’t want you where they can easily find you.”</p><p>Nari nodded and bounded off. A few minutes later, Jim got a call from Toby.</p><p>“Uh, they’re definitely distracted.” Claire could hear Steve screaming and whimpering in the background. “Operation is a go. Hurry—we can’t keep them busy for long!”</p><p>Claire grabbed Jim’s hand, and using Douxie as her emotional anchor, formed the portal.</p><p>They stepped through, and into a cave. “Douxie?” Claire called.</p><p>“Claire,” Jim said softly, dropping to the ground.</p><p>Claire looked down and saw him kneeling next to Douxie, who was unconscious on the ground. Claire’s stomach heaved at the sight—arms were <em>not </em>supposed to bend like that. Nari and Archie had warned them that he was injured, but like this, chained up, gagged, blindfolded, limp and lifeless… Rage and fear built up in Claire’s chest, and Jim grabbed her hand.</p><p>“Claire, stop. He needs you.”</p><p>Claire realized that shadows were building around her, and her hands were sparking with magic. She let it go, kneeling next to Jim. She summoned just a little bit of magic, and broke the ice that encased Douxie’s feet, mouth, and eyes. His skin was grotesquely swollen and blue, and freezing to the touch. She also broke the manacles around his ankles, but when she tried to take them off, they were stuck to his skin, and he jerked away from her with a choking, whimpering sound that tore her heart in two. Claire broke the chains instead, gathering Douxie up in her arms and brushing away the remaining shards of ice. Douxie didn’t respond to any of it—he just lay there, broken and beaten.</p><p>“C’mon, Teach,” she pleaded, her voice cracking. “Don’t do this to me—<em>please</em> don’t do this to me!”</p><p>Douxie’s eyes opened, just a slit, but his normally friendly, mischievous gaze was glazed over, bleak. His eyes closed again, and Claire shook his shoulders gently, wincing as Douxie whimpered.</p><p>“Douxie, stick with me. C’mon, open your eyes.”</p><p>As if in response, he shut them tighter. Claire’s heart clenched, and she opened the portal for the other guardians. “He needs a doctor.” She focused on Jim’s mother as her anchor, cradling Douxie in her arms. Jim put a hand on her shoulder, and they fell into the shadows and out in front of Dr. Lake, who emitted a short scream.</p><p>“Claire—you nearly gave me a heart attack—oh my god, what happened?!” She dropped down next to them, pressing two fingers against Douxie’s neck to find a pulse. “Claire—Jim, who is this?”</p><p>“He’s our friend,” Jim pleaded, “I’m sorry, Mom—”</p><p>“Don’t apologize—oh, this is bad.”</p><p>Panic welled up in the back of Claire’s throat. “What?! What’s bad?!”</p><p>“A lot—his body is both in shock, and he’s got hypothermia—his skin’s ice cold. He’s not even shivering—before I can treat that frostbite, his core needs to be warmed up.”</p><p>Claire hugged Douxie, willing her own body warmth to warm him up. She felt Jim wrap his arms around both of them.</p><p>The portal Claire had opened for the others appeared, and Archie came flying through, dropping next to Douxie.</p><p>“Is he alive?” the familiar asked frantically, “Is he breathing?!”</p><p>“He’s got hypothermia,” Claire explained, “We need to warm him up.”</p><p>Archie curled up in Douxie’s lap, rumbling a worried purr. Toby and Krel joined them, and even Steve joined the cuddle pile. Douxie started to shiver, violently shaking.</p><p>Dr. Lake was there in an instant with blankets, shooing them away and wrapping Douxie up. She splinted his arms as well, and brought a tub of warm water from the kitchen, putting his feet in it.</p><p>“Jim, get the car warmed up, as soon as I think it’s okay to move him, I’m taking him to the hospital.”</p><p>Jim nodded and grabbed the keys, racing out the door.</p><p>“Please,” Claire murmured, “Please be okay.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie didn’t know where he was anymore, and he didn’t really care. He was moving—he could feel the wind on his face. Something was strapped over his face, something that was spraying some mist. He managed to blink his eyes open, the world flashing by in a daze every time he managed to look. There were lights, doors that he was passing. There was someone there, talking—an angel? Then he could see red hair. Was it Bellroc again? Douxie felt panic building up in his throat. He couldn’t do this anymore—he <em>couldn’t</em>. He wasn’t strong enough—a deep, ashamed part of him was pretty sure that if he knew where Nari was, he’d have told them.</p><p>“Douxie,” the redhead was saying, and it wasn’t Bellroc’s voice—it was the angel’s voice. “Don’t worry. You’re going to be okay.”</p><p>And for some reason, Douxie trusted this voice completely.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Claire bounced up from her seat in the waiting room as Dr. Lake came back in. “What’s going on?”</p><p>Jim’s mother shook her head, pushing her glasses up. “I had to turn him over to someone else. The x-rays came back—there was a fracture on his skull, and several broken ribs. And his arms and hands were all but shattered—he’s in surgery right now.”</p><p>“<em>Surgery</em>?” Archie yelped.</p><p>“To fix his hands and arms,” Dr. Lake explained, “He’s going to be okay, Archie—none of his injuries were life-threatening. The only things that could have killed him were the hypothermia and maybe the shock, and he’s in the clear from those.”</p><p>Archie started pacing again, and Claire almost joined him. “He’ll be okay?” she echoed.</p><p>Jim’s mother hesitated. “Well… as okay as he can get. He’s going to need time to recover. Claire, what happened to him?”</p><p>Claire rubbed her arms. “He got captured by the Arcane Order—they’re the ones that destroyed the school. He’s a wizard.”</p><p>“Like Merlin?”</p><p>“He’s nothing like Merlin,” Claire snapped, then sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”</p><p>Dr. Lake opened her arms up and gave Claire a hug. “It’s going to be fine, Claire. He’ll recover.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Everything hurt. Douxie felt like one big bruise. His arms and hands were stiff and heavy, and he had a roaring headache. It even hurt to breathe. But he wasn’t locked up anymore—and wherever he was, it wasn’t a cave floor.</p><p>Douxie opened his eyes, but he still couldn’t see anything except a blurred light—a thrill of panic shot down his spine. He was still blindfolded—what was going on?! He managed to raise one stiff arm, pawing at the blindfold. It wasn’t ice, but still—what game were Bellroc and Skrael playing?!</p><p>Gentle hands caught his arm. “Douxie,” a voice said, “Can you hear me?”</p><p>Douxie remembered that voice—it was the red-haired angel. Was he dead again? Everything hurt a little bit too much for that. He managed a small nod.</p><p>“Your eyes were frostbitten,” the voice told him, “The bandage is there so they can heal, okay? No one is trying to hurt you.”</p><p>Douxie hadn’t realized that he was tense until his shoulders relaxed. It was a simple sentence—no one is trying to hurt you—but somehow it took down all of the walls he’d put up to protect himself, made him feel… well, safe. He didn’t know why—he didn’t know whoever this was, he had no idea if he could trust them. But for some reason, some inexplicable reason, he did. His shoulders started to shake, and a gentle hand squeezed his shoulder.</p><p>“You’re safe now,” the voice soothed, “You’re okay. I’m Dr. Barbara Lake, and I’m going to take care of you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Douxie can join Barbara's orphan collection, she's adopted a ton of babies, what's one teenaged wizard in the mix?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Burdens We Bear</h2></a>
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    <p>“Can we see him?”</p><p>Dr. Lake hesitated, fiddling with her glasses. “I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet.”</p><p>“Why <em>not</em>?!” Archie spat. He knew it wasn’t the doctor’s fault, she was just doing what she thought was best for Douxie, but he wanted to see his friend, and he was sick of just waiting!</p><p>“I don’t think that he’s… well, I don’t think he’s in the greatest place mentally right now.”</p><p>“That’s a reason that I <em>should</em> go see him!”</p><p>Dr. Lake shook her head. “Just give him a day or two. I know you’re his friends, and I’m sure he’ll want to see you, but I don’t want to overwhelm him, so I don’t think that you should be asking him questions, or saying too much to him right now. And I want to wait until I can take the bandages off of his eyes—too many people that he can only hear might scare him. I want to move him somewhere quieter…” She glanced at a troll, who had been waiting patiently by the door for her.</p><p>“Barbara, I don’t know if we have the room, what with all of the babies…”</p><p>“Douxie can have my room,” Jim offered, “I can stay with Toby for a bit. But if you’re looking to move him somewhere quieter, I mean… all of the babies…”</p><p>“It’s mostly a question of getting him out of the hospital,” Dr. Lake admitted, “As a doctor here, I can’t keep taking personal interest in him, but if I bring him home, then I can keep a better eye on him.” She hesitated for a moment. “I don’t want any of you here when I bring him out.”</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?!” Archie demanded again.</p><p>“It’s going to be stressful enough for him to be moving to a new place, and quite frankly, I don’t trust you to just watch and not try to interact.”</p><p>That was probably a fair assessment, but that didn’t mean that Archie had to <em>like</em> it. “What if he starts thinking we abandoned him?” he fretted.</p><p>“I’ll explain everything to him,” Dr. Lake promised, “I’ll make sure he knows that you want to see him. But for now… I’m going to ask you to leave while I check him out.”</p><p>“You can stay with me, too,” Toby offered to Archie, “My nana has lots of cats—she’d never notice one more.”</p><p>Archie’s ears flattened against his head</p><p>“No thank you,” he replied carefully. He’d find somewhere to stay, but it was NOT going to be at a cat lady’s house.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie heard footsteps and the door opened. “Hey there, Douxie,” Dr. Lake said softly, “You’re being discharged from the hospital, but I’d like to keep an eye on your injuries. Is there anywhere you were planning to stay?”</p><p>Douxie shook his head. Where <em>was</em> he going to stay?!</p><p>The bed shifted as Dr. Lake sat down next to him. “You can come home with me, if you’d like. Would that be okay?”</p><p>Douxie hesitated, unsure if she was just pretend offering or if she was sincere. He eventually nodded.</p><p>“Okay. I’ve got your old clothes—we can go now, unless you need more time?”</p><p>Douxie shook his head, swinging his feet out of the bed.</p><p>“Wait—” Dr. Lake started, but too late. Douxie stood up, then shoots of pain from his feet nearly made him crumple to the ground. Dr. Lake caught his arms, guiding him gently to a chair. “Your feet are still healing from frostbite,” she reminded him, “It’s okay—I’ve got you.”</p><p>She wheeled the chair down a hallway. Douxie wasn’t sure whether he felt embarrassed, or grateful, or mad that he couldn’t stand up. Mostly he just felt confused. Dr. Lake wheeled him out of the building, and Mordrax’s miracles. The <em>warmth</em>. Douxie could have sat outside in the warm air <em>all day</em>. But he was out of it too soon, in a car that had the air conditioning running.</p><p>“Douxie,” Dr. Lake said hesitantly, “This is Walter Strickler. He’s my… boyfriend. Walt, this is Douxie. He’s a wizard. <em>No nicknames</em>.”</p><p>Some part of Douxie wondered how Dr. Lake knew he was a wizard, but mostly he wished that they could get where they were going. For some reason, he felt exposed and vulnerable in the car, and he wanted to get inside of a solid structure as soon as possible.</p><p>“Pleasure,” a smooth voice said, “And Barbara, I couldn’t possibly know what you mean.”</p><p>The car started to move, and Douxie clutched the seatbelt tightly, wishing he could see where they were and where they were going. “I mean how you’re always calling Jim ‘young Atlas.’”</p><p>“I’m not sure I could even come up with a nickname that is better than Douxie.” Then, almost too quietly for Douxie to hear, he murmured, “But if I did, it would probably be Prometheus.”</p><p>The rest of the car ride passed in tense silence until they pulled to a stop.</p><p>“Douxie, I’m going to carry you inside now,” Strickler warned, “The wheelchair had to stay at the hospital.”</p><p>Douxie nodded, and to his surprise, Strickler’s arms were like rocks. Strickler must have felt him tense, because he gave a small chuckle.</p><p>“I’m a changeling,” he explained, “Since my familiar has been rescued, I’ve gotten used to being in my troll form all of the time.”</p><p>A changeling—no wonder Dr. Lake knew he was a wizard. Was he back in Arcadia? He must be for everyone to be comfortable with a troll walking around. But if he was in Arcadia…</p><p>Xxx</p><p>“Where’s Archie?” Douxie croaked.</p><p>Dr. Lake jumped. It was the first time Douxie had said a thing—she’d gotten used to him being quiet all the time. “Archie wanted to come see you,” she told him softly, “I wasn’t sure it was a good idea just yet.”</p><p>“Can I see him now?”</p><p>“Tomorrow,” Dr. Lake promised, “I think we’ll be able to take the bandage off then, and I’ll bring him to see you. Promise.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Claire was waiting outside of the door to Jim’s bedroom, along with all of her friends. Dr. Lake was instructing them once again not to overwhelm Douxie, but her mind was spinning too much to pay much attention.</p><p>Dr. Lake opened the door, and although they let Archie in first, the rest of them were tumbling over each other to get in the door. Douxie was huddled under a blanket, his eyes still blank and his arms and hands in casts. Claire’s heart sank. They’d rescued him, but had they really gotten Douxie back, or had they been too late?</p><p>Archie approached Douxie slowly, like he wasn’t sure what would qualify as “overwhelming.” Douxie held his arms out, and all caution abandoned, Archie leapt up onto the bed and cannoned into his friend, purring. Douxie squeezed the familiar tightly, like he was a life preserver and Douxie was drowning in the ocean. And maybe he was.</p><p>“Hey,” Claire said cautiously, “Glad you’re doing better.” No one else said anything—they all looked as shocked as she felt at their normally vibrant friend’s bleak face. It was like they were at a funeral, only Douxie was <em>right there</em> and he was <em>alive</em>.</p><p>Douxie also didn’t say anything, just clutched Archie and stared at the rest of them with those blank, defeated eyes. He looked so… <em>lost</em>. And Claire knew that she didn’t have a map for him. So she just nodded to him.</p><p>“Nari’s safe, thanks to you. Get better soon, okay, Teach?”</p><p>She and the rest of her friends filed out the door, no more pushing. Claire ran a hand through her bangs.</p><p>Had she lost him?</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Archie wasn’t going to leave Douxie’s side. He was going to just stay <em>right here</em> with his familiar <em>forever</em>. And he wasn’t going to let him out of his sight for <em>one minute</em>.</p><p>Douxie started to shake, and then he buried his face in Archie’s fur, crying quietly. Archie didn’t say anything—not yet. He just let the boy cry and continued his comforting purr.</p><p>Eventually, Douxie cried himself out and faded into silence. He was still shaking—Archie could feel every shake—but he seemed to be out of tears for now.</p><p>“You were very brave,” Archie said softly, “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, or hurting after what you went through.”</p><p>Douxie shook his head, seeming to have trouble finding words. “I—I wasn’t…” he broke off. “I think if I’d known—I would have told them.”</p><p>Archie didn’t believe that for one minute. “Douxie? When Nari tried to call you, the call went through, then stopped. What happened?”</p><p>Douxie shuddered. “B-broke the phone.” His hand went to his throat, and he shivered again, squeezing Archie as if to make sure that he was still there and not back in the cave.</p><p>Archie rubbed his head against Douxie’s hand. The cast felt strange, and wrong, but he knew that Douxie needed it to heal. “You could have left it. You could have let Nari call. You could have let Bellroc and Skrael communicate with her. It wouldn’t have taken any effort—and it certainly would have been better for you. But you didn’t—you broke the phone. And when the Order did contact us, you could have stayed quiet. Nari was on the verge of surrendering herself to get you back. But you didn’t—you made certain that she wouldn’t give up. You’re stronger than you think, Douxie.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t respond to that. Archie snuggled back in close. It wasn’t like Douxie to be this quiet. “Nari’s with the hedge wizards,” he told him, “She wanted to see you, but…”</p><p>Douxie nodded, then sighed. Archie gave up. Douxie didn’t need to talk—and Archie couldn’t expect him to just go right back to normal after what had happened. That wouldn’t be fair to Douxie. So they just sat in silence.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie wasn’t sleeping. Archie had fallen asleep curled up on Douxie’s chest, a furry bundle of snoring warmth, but Douxie’s arms were hurting too much to go to sleep. Douxie’s brain had settled into a kind of fuzzy daze since he’d woken up in the hospital. He just felt… empty. And cold—he felt <em>so cold</em>. Even with the blankets on, he didn’t feel warm. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to feel warm again.</p><p>Douxie managed to get Archie off of his chest without waking the familiar, and shuffled across the floor, ignoring the shoots of pain from his feet. Crying echoed down the hallway, and he made his way towards it, quietly opening a door to see Dr. Lake shushing and bouncing a baby. He’d thought he hadn’t made a sound, but she turned around as if she could sense him.</p><p>“Hey, there, kiddo,” she said softly, “What are you doing up?”</p><p>Douxie shrugged.</p><p>Dr. Lake came closer, still bouncing the baby, who gurgled and reached for Douxie. “Did the babies wake you up? I’m sorry—”</p><p>Douxie shook his head, a vague spark of guilt lighting in his chest. It wasn’t the babies’ fault. He tentatively held one casted arm out to the baby. He’d never really been around babies before. The baby cooed and put a hand on his arm, then lifted it and smacked down on the hard cast, giggling.</p><p>Dr. Lake whisked the baby away. “No!” she scolded the kid, “Bad! No hit!” She glanced at Douxie. The hit hadn’t hurt at all, and he edged closer. They were so squishy! “Do you want to hold her?” Dr. Lake asked.</p><p>Douxie blinked. She would trust him with a fragile little baby? “Me?” he managed.</p><p>“If you think you can—it might be difficult with those casts on, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”</p><p>“No,” Douxie interrupted, surprising himself, “I do.”</p><p>She smiled her warm smile at him, and nestled the baby in his arms. She cooed again, reaching up and tugging on one of the blue streaks in his hair. Douxie winced, but didn’t complain. She was so… tiny. And trusting. He bounced her gently like he’d seen Dr. Lake do, and she giggled, her tiny hand patting his face. She yawned, displaying her toothless mouth, and in minutes, she was asleep. No sleep spell necessary. Something warm blossomed in Douxie’s numb mind as he set her back down in her crib</p><p>Dr. Lake gave him another smile. “She likes you.” She yawned. “I’m going back to bed. If you need anything, just tell me.”</p><p>She wandered back out the door. Douxie didn’t leave. He wandered around the room, looking at each of the babies in their cribs. They looked very, very vulnerable, and the shadows of memories of when he’d been small pulled at him. He’d only had Archie. He hadn’t had someone like Dr. Lake that had picked him up and bounced him if he got upset. He’d had to learn very fast how to survive. These babies were lucky, he thought.</p><p>Douxie went over to a crib as another baby started to cry and managed to pick the baby up, wincing as his fingers ached and sent prickles of pain up his spine. He bounced the baby until he fell back asleep, and then he set him back down with a glimmer of something that might have been pride.</p><p>He liked babies, he decided.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Archie shifted as sunlight hit him right in the face. Ugh—that was bright. He opened his eyes, then shot to his feet in a panic. Where was Douxie?! How could he have let the wizard get away from him so soon?</p><p>Archie bolted down the hallway, shooting through an open door into a room full of cribs. “Douxie?” he called.</p><p>“Shh,” Dr. Lake scolded in a whisper, pointing to the wall. Douxie was leaning against it, sound asleep. Someone had tucked a blanket around him—probably Dr. Lake. “I found him asleep in here. Let him rest.”</p><p>Archie’s heart rate slowed down, and he leapt up on top of one of the crib railings, sitting down to watch over Douxie.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said to Dr. Lake, “For everything you’re doing for him.”</p><p>Dr. Lake gave Douxie a fond smile. “Everyone needs a hand now and then. Does he… have a family? I should have asked this sooner, but I suppose I assumed that Jim would take care of it.”</p><p>Archie shook his head. “Just Nari and I. He had Merlin, but…”</p><p>Dr. Lake’s mouth dropped open. “That old wart had a <em>son</em>?!”</p><p>Archie laughed. “Oh, no. No, no, no, nothing like that. Merlin took him in to protect him from Arthur’s magic purge. He’s not Douxie’s biological father, but… well, I think that over time they developed that bond.”</p><p>Dr. Lake shook her head. “I can’t imagine Merlin liking ANYONE.”</p><p>That was a pretty fair assessment. “He gave his life to save Douxie’s,” Archie said quietly, “He could be a horrible grouch, and he was definitely not good at parenting, but deep down he <em>did</em> care about Douxie.”</p><p>Dr. Lake sighed. “I suppose that might be his only redeemable feature. It’s just hard to think that Merlin would die for anyone.”</p><p>“I was just as shocked as you, honestly. Merlin was a complicated man.” Archie yowled as something tugged on his tail, and Dr. Lake apologized as she rescued his tail from the baby in the crib he was sitting on. The baby cried, and Douxie woke up with a start, blinking at his surroundings.</p><p>“Good morning,” Dr. Lake said gently, “Did you sleep well?”</p><p>Douxie looked around at all of the babies, and for the first time that Archie had seen since he’d been captured, smiled. “Yes,” he said softly, “I did.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you MEAN baby therapy isn't a real thing?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Life in the Sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Douxie reached for the door, glancing around for Dr. Lake. He didn’t know why he felt like he had to sneak out—he was sure that Dr. Lake wouldn’t stop him, but <em>still</em>, he glanced around for her or Strickler, making sure neither of them were in the kitchen before he went out the back door. His feet prickled with pinpricks of pain, but they didn’t hurt near as much as they had a few days ago at the hospital.</p><p>Douxie took in a deep breath as the warmth of the outdoors hit his skin. He wandered out into the yard, flopping backwards in the grass. He closed his eyes against the sunlight, just absorbing all of the warmth he could. Something still felt cold—even surrounded by all of the warmth, no matter how many blankets he put on or how much sunlight he absorbed, he still felt chilly. Maybe Skrael had permanently frozen something in him.</p><p>The sun suddenly stopped beating down quite so hard, and Douxie opened his eyes to see Strickler standing over him with a giant umbrella.</p><p>“I wasn’t—” he stuttered, “I was just—”</p><p>“We’re not keeping you prisoner,” Strickler said, “You can leave whenever you want.” A slight smile tugged at his lips. “That being said, if you ever plan on going far, please do let us know. Barbara would be panicked out of her wits if you disappeared without warning.”</p><p>Douxie sat up, back out from under the umbrella and into the sunlight. “Then why are you following me?”</p><p>“I saw you lying out there and thought you might have gotten yourself injured. Just enjoying the sun?”</p><p>Douxie recognized wistfulness when he heard it. “It’s nice,” he admitted. “Still kind of cold, though.”</p><p>Strickler gave him a look that was half-quizzical, half-knowing. “Do you know why I call Jim Young Atlas?”</p><p>Douxie shook his head.</p><p>“It was because he always seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Tell me, young wizard, do you know the story of Prometheus?”</p><p>Douxie shook his head again. He’d never paid much attention to musty old stories, no matter how hard Merlin tried to drill them into his head.</p><p>“Prometheus was a titan, like Atlas,” Strickler explained, slipping into the role of teacher—a glimmer of familiarity sparked. Didn’t Douxie remember seeing him at Arcadia High? “He was above man, immortal, powerful, filled with ancient knowledge. He could destroy humans in the blink of an eye and never face a single consequence—he was a being so high, he never had to think about the little mortals. But he did—he loved humans. Cherished each one of them, cherished each one of their lives. Felt their pain, felt their joy. The powers that were had decreed that humans were to never learn the power of fire. The powers that were didn’t want humans to better themselves. They didn’t care for the little mortals. But Prometheus—now, he did. So one day, he defied the higher powers. He stole fire, and brought it down to the mortals. He gave them a great gift, saved them from dying out.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t think he was going to like where this story was going.</p><p>“The gods, the higher powers, they found out,” Strickler continued, “They were angry. And they punished Prometheus harshly. They chained him up. Eagles tore out his liver every morning, and then it would grow back overnight so that they could do it again the next morning. For eternity he suffered, paying the price for being kind. For cherishing the humans. And the mortals? They were blissfully unaware of how he suffered. He gave everything for them to help them thrive, and they never knew what he gave up to save them.”</p><p>Douxie waited for Strickler to say something else, but the changeling seemed to be done. “And?” he prompted.</p><p>“And nothing,” Strickler said simply, “Some stories say that a hero came through, broke his chains, and freed him. Most stories end after the punishment is described.”</p><p>“Which do you think?” Douxie asked.</p><p>Strickler met his eyes with a gaze that was way too piercing, that seemed to say that it knew EXACTLY why Douxie felt cold even out in the sun. “I think Prometheus suffers still. I think that even if a hero DID break his chains, he still hasn’t escaped the eagles that haunt him.”</p><p>Yep. Douxie definitely did NOT like this story.</p><p>“Anyway,” Strickler said briskly, like he hadn’t dropped the disturbing story of the century down out of nowhere, “Enjoy the sun.”</p><p>And with that, he turned on his heel and walked back inside. Douxie shook his head, as if trying to clear the fogginess in his mind. What was the changeling trying to say? He’d called Douxie Prometheus earlier—was he trying to make some point about how caring for people only got you hurt? That didn’t seem right.</p><p>Douxie remembered something, something from a long time ago that Merlin had been going on about. Something about how the liver was thought by some—like the Greeks—to house the soul.</p><p>Maybe Strickler just wanted to let Douxie know he could tell that Douxie felt empty, like his soul had been ripped out.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Late in the night, Douxie could hear voices arguing. He snuck down to hear better, pressing his ear to the door.</p><p>“I’m just saying, I think he should see a professional,” Strickler said defensively, “We can do our best to counsel and comfort him, Barbara, but this is completely out of our league!”</p><p>“Walt, where would we even find a psychiatrist that we could tell about the Arcane order, or about the fact that Douxie is a wizard?!”</p><p>Oh. They were talking about him.</p><p>“I know a changeling—”</p><p>“Besides, we can handle it! He went through something traumatizing, what he needs is friends and family and comfort, not some stranger poking at him. He’ll recover, he just needs time.”</p><p>“Barbara, do you know what happened today? He was in the full sun, in the middle of the afternoon heat, in a black hoodie, and he told me that he was <em>still kind of cold</em>. Do you think that’s <em>normal</em>?!”</p><p>“Well… no, but…”</p><p>“Barbara, what has Claire told you about Douxie? From BEFORE all of this.”</p><p>“That he was talkative,” Dr. Lake said quietly, and Douxie had to strain to hear her, “That he was rarely ever still, that he was optimistic and bright, that he could be a bit goofy at times, but ultimately, he kept his eyes on the prize and always kept trying to achieve his goals, no matter how hard it was, or how long it took.”</p><p>It was like hearing a description of a stranger.</p><p>“And now?” Strickler asked gently, “Do you see much of that?”</p><p>“No,” Dr. Lake said in a voice that was barely even a whisper</p><p>“Physical effects are one thing. He’s mentally still there. He’s cold because he hasn’t left being frozen by the Order, Barbara, not in his head. We are not equipped to handle this kind of mental trauma, we need to consult a psychiatrist.”</p><p>Douxie could practically hear Dr. Lake folding her arms. “We can do it. Jim went through the whole troll ordeal, and we’ve managed to counsel him through it.”</p><p>There was a heavy pause, and then.</p><p>“Oh, god. You think my son needs a shrink.”</p><p>“Even before some of the worst of it came to pass, I thought that Jim needed guidance and counseling. After what happened to him…”</p><p>“I can’t believe you! Have you been—have you been going behind my back? Trying to get Jim to your changeling psychiatrist without telling me?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Strickler soothed, “I may have mentioned the possibility a few times. He reacted much the same way you did—mostly about the ability to even find a psychiatrist that he could talk to about trollhunting.”</p><p>“We’re supposed to be a united front!” Dr. Lake protested, “And when it comes to Jim, I DEFINITELY have the final say.”</p><p>“Of course you do. He’s your son. But I think should he WANT a psychiatrist, the option should be open to him. The same holds true for Douxie.”</p><p>“They get to choose,” Dr. Lake said firmly.</p><p>“They get to choose,” Strickler affirmed. “In fact,” he continued, raising his voice, “Douxie can tell us what he thinks about the idea right now if he wants, since I can hear him listening in out there.”</p><p>Douxie panicked. He stumbled away as fast as he could, running as quickly and quietly as he could up the stairs and jumping back into bed, shutting his eyes and pretending to go to sleep. A minute or so later, the door creaked open.</p><p>“Douxie?” Dr. Lake whispered, “I know you’re awake.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t respond, but he opened his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest.</p><p>“You’re not in trouble,” Dr. Lake promised, “I’m not mad. Neither is Strickler.” Douxie still kept his mouth shut, and Dr. Lake sighed. “Douxie… if you want to talk, I’m here. We can talk about Strickler’s psychiatrist friend, or I can get Claire or if you just want to talk to Archie, that’s all good. You don’t have to choose right now if you don’t want to choose. But you don’t have to carry it alone. There are so many people who care about you, and who will help you, if you let them.</p><p>From the beginning, Douxie had trusted Dr. Lake. He hadn’t known why, he’d just instinctively trusted her. Now, he knew that it was because she was kind, and gentle, and she would absolutely never betray him.</p><p>“I’m cold,” he whispered, sitting up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m cold, and I can’t get warm. And I don’t know if it’s because Skrael permanently froze something, or if it’s like what Strickler said and I’m still stuck there, or if—if there’s something wrong with me—”</p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Dr. Lake said fiercely.</p><p>And Douxie knew that she believed that.</p><p>He just wasn’t sure that <em>he</em> did.</p><p>Douxie shivered. “It’s just… it’s like something is frozen, and I can’t get it warmed up.”</p><p>Dr. Lake was quiet for a moment, then sat on the bed next to him. “Strickler said you were out in the sun.”</p><p>“And I was warm, but also… just still cold inside.”</p><p>“Douxie?” Dr. Lake asked, her voice cracking just a bit, “Is it okay if I ask—if I ask what happened?”</p><p>Numb pain fogged Douxie’s mind back over. Caught between the pit and the pendulum. He curled his knees up to his chest. “They didn’t believe me,” he whispered, “I told them that I didn’t know where Nari was, and they wouldn’t believe me.” He thumped his head against his knees, as if that would make the memories go away. “They just…” Nausea washed over him as he remembered Skrael’s hammer coming towards his arms and hands, and the next thing he knew, he was on his hands and knees on the floor, throwing up. Dr. Lake jumped up, holding his hair out of his face as he retched.</p><p>“You’re okay,” she told him in a low, soothing voice, one hand on his back, “You’re okay, Douxie, you’re here with me. Focus on me. Focus on my voice.”</p><p>Douxie blinked, latching onto her voice like a lifeline dragging him out of his own mind.</p><p>“You’re going to be okay,” she continued, “They can’t hurt you anymore. I’m not going to let them. We’re going to protect you. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. No one is going to make you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sitting back on his knees.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she assured him, “I’ve cleaned up bigger messes at the hospital—trust me. Are you okay?”</p><p>“No,” he whispered, more to himself than her, “I’m cold all the time, and I can’t think right, and I can’t move my arms, and I’m scared.” The last word seemed to stick, and words tumbled out. “I’m scared that they’ll come back, and I’m scared that if they show up, I won’t be able to protect Nari properly, that I’ll panic when I see them and fail. I’m scared that it’ll happen, and they’ll get her, and the world will end, and it will be <em>my fault</em>.”</p><p>He was shaking, and somewhere, he registered that Dr. Lake was hugging him. “It’s okay for you to be scared, Douxie. And it’s okay for you to stop. It’s okay if you can’t go back to protecting Nari, no one will blame you if you can’t do it anymore.”</p><p>“But Merlin wanted—”</p><p>“What Merlin wanted,” Dr. Lake interrupted, “was to keep <em>you</em> safe. Nari wasn’t the one he died for. He wanted <em>you</em> to live.”</p><p>And that somehow made everything better and worse at the same time.</p><p>“I was always willing to die for the cause,” he said quietly, “But…” he searched for the right words, trying to figure out how he felt.</p><p>“But?” Dr. Lake pushed gently.</p><p>The description that Claire had of him had been someone else—someone who had literally died and come back the same, who’d thought that he would always be able to overcome a challenge. Someone who hadn’t been broken and left shattered on the ground. A complete stranger. Someone he was just a shadow of now. His next words were barely even a whisper.</p><p>“But I never wanted to lose who I was.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All of those kids need some therapy, and Barbara knows it, she just hoped it was overprotective mom instincts jumping in.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Fathomed by None</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mild medical grossness this chapter, just a warning</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>(APPARENTLY, I don't get to have METAPHORS anymore, thanks for that, writers)</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Lake glanced in her rearview mirror at the wizard in her backseat and the familiar in his lap. “Are you ready to get those casts off?”</p><p>Douxie nodded. He’d been increasingly quiet since their talk nearly a month ago, and Dr. Lake was beginning to wonder if maybe she should have listened to Walt about that psychiatrist.</p><p>“They had to put pins in your arm,” she warned, “So it’s not going to look pretty.” She was used to this kind of thing, but she doubted that Douxie was.</p><p>Archie’s ears pricked up. “Pins?”</p><p>“To hold his bones in place. When there are bad breaks, sometimes they have to put pins in to hold the bones in position while they heal.”</p><p>Douxie looked out the window. “Alright.”</p><p>Dr. Lake glanced at him again, uneasy. Hopefully, getting the casts off would help. Physically, he was pretty much completely healed from his ordeal. Mentally… not so much. He hadn’t talked about it with her since the first time he’d tried, and from what she could gather, no one else was having any luck, either.</p><p>“You know,” she said, mostly to fill the silence, “I was talking to some of the therapists from work, and they gave me some pointers for how to strengthen your arms after you get the casts off.” She took a deep breath. “I was also talking to some of the… mental therapists. They said that sometimes writing a letter, or keeping a diary is easier than talking to someone.”</p><p>“Hm.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t offer anything else at the idea, but Archie gave her a half-grateful, half-sympathetic look. They pulled into the hospital parking lot, and Dr. Lake led Douxie in, plugging in a cast saw after a quick X-ray to see where the pins were and that the bone had healed properly. The braces on his fingers were easy enough to remove, but the casts on his arms would take a little more effort.</p><p>“It’s very unlikely to damage your skin,” she told Douxie and Archie, gesturing to the cast saw, “It’s very loud, though. You ready?”</p><p>Douxie nodded, and Dr. Lake started the saw up. Archie’s tail puffed up, and he covered his ears with his paws. Dr. Lake cut into the hard part of the cast on the inside and outside of Douxie’s arms, then used a cast spreader to push it open further. Finally, she used a set of scissors to cut off the soft padding, and removed it.</p><p>Douxie hissed in when he looked at his arms, and Dr. Lake gently touched his shoulder before turning towards the arms. Surgery scars ran up the lengths of his arms, and the metal pins were sticking out, the skin slightly swollen around them.</p><p>“Ready, Frankenstein?” Dr. Lake joked. She grasped one of the pins. Based on the X-Ray, she knew that only one or two of them were screwed in—the rest would come right out. With a quick pull, one was out, and blood and pus oozed out. Douxie yelped. Dr. Lake pressed a gauze pad to the area. “Don’t worry about that, it’s normal.”</p><p>“It doesn’t <em>look</em> normal,” Archie fretted.</p><p>“It is. Trust me, Archie, I’ve done this before.”</p><p>Dr. Lake pulled out the rest of the easy pins, bandaging the holes where they’d been. “This one is going to hurt,” she warned, and unscrewed a pin. Douxie hissed, his teeth clenched, and Dr. Lake worked as quickly as possible to get it out without hurting him. She finished bandaging him up, washed her hands, and left the pins for a nurse to take care of.</p><p>“All done,” she announced, “Congratulations, Douxie, I’ve seen grown men faint when they had pins taken out. You’re obviously much braver.” She grinned at him, but he just offered a faint smile in return, flexing his fingers.</p><p>“They’ll probably still hurt,” Dr. Lake said softly, “That’s where the therapy comes in, okay?”</p><p>Douxie nodded, and they went back outside. Jim and the rest of his friends were waiting outside, and they let out a small cheer. Douxie seemed to startle for a moment, but then relaxed.</p><p>“Hey, you lot.”</p><p>“Better?” Claire asked.</p><p>Douxie flexed his hands again. “They still have my bracelet and staff…”</p><p>Steve held up an arm cuff. “Oh, you mean <em>this</em> bracelet?”</p><p>Claire swiped it away from him. “Where did you get this?!”</p><p>“Haha! The ice jerk surrendered it after I kicked his butt!”</p><p>“No, really,” Toby replied, “How’d you get it?”</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fiiiine, he dropped it because he was laughing really hard, but I’m still the one who managed to get it back!”</p><p>Claire held the bracelet out to Douxie. “Your staff, master wizard?”</p><p>Dr. Lake wondered if she was the only one who noticed the trembling in his hands when he took it, slipping it onto his arm. It lit up blue, and she thought she saw a glimmer of satisfaction on the wizard’s face. And he was certainly talking more—maybe not to her, but to his friends.</p><p>Maybe he <em>was</em> on the road to recovery.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>“How long’s it been since you played?” Claire asked. They were at Krel’s house, sitting by the pool. Douxie was just staring at his guitar/staff.</p><p>“Dunno. A while.” He shifted it into position, but his fingers twitched on the strings, shaking. He tried to play a chord, but winced.</p><p>“Douxie?” Archie asked.</p><p>Douxie dismissed the guitar with a smile that seemed forced. “Nothing. Just… haven’t recovered as much as I’d like.”</p><p>Claire nodded, watching him for a second. Something didn’t seem right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it, and a second later, Krel fell into the pool. He surfaced with a sputter. “Steve!”</p><p>“Whatcha going to do about it?”</p><p>Krel floated on his back, swimming a lazy backstroke. How he managed with four arms, Claire didn’t know. “Tell Aja maybe.”</p><p>“Don’t you <em>dare</em>—”</p><p>Instants later, Steve splashed into the pool as well, Jim grinning behind him. “Gotcha.” He cannonballed in after them, quickly followed by Toby.</p><p>“Jim!” Claire protested, “You’re in your regular clothes!”</p><p>He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “What’s the matter? Want me to take my shirt off?”</p><p>Claire barked a slightly-offended laugh. “Nutjob.” She turned to Douxie, taking off her outer jacket. “Wanna go for a swim?”</p><p>“I’ll just watch.”</p><p>“Aw, c’mon, Teach, you need a bit of fun.”</p><p>“Maybe some other time.”</p><p>Claire shrugged, jumping into the pool and making sure she splashed Jim with her cannonball. “You’re missing out!” she yelled, dunking her boyfriend.</p><p>Jim sputtered, picking her up, and throwing her. Claire splashed back down with a shriek of laughter. Douxie sat at the edge of the pool, dangling his feet in the water. Claire’s laugh died when she saw the red and blue frostbite scars that mottled his feet. As if he could sense her staring, Douxie kicked water at her. Claire retaliated by opening a portal in the pool and opening the other side above his head.</p><p>Douxie yelped as about a gallon of water splashed down on his head. “Shadow splashing is cheating,” he sputtered.</p><p>“Well, you’re soaked now, might as well hop in.”</p><p>Douxie shook his head, getting up and turning away. Then he ran and cannonballed in, splashing all of them. He stayed under, sitting at the bottom of the pool, and Claire eyed him, waiting for his next move, which proved to be a mistake, since Jim and Toby ambushed her, splashing a tidal wave over her head.</p><p>“Toby, you traitor!” she yelled, “I trusted you!”</p><p>“Non-aggression isn’t a promise of peace,” he yelped, paddling away from her as fast as he could.</p><p>Douxie finally surfaced with a gasp, and Claire jumped. “Forget you can’t breathe underwater?” she asked.</p><p>He wiped water away from his eyes. “Just seeing how long I could stay under.”</p><p>Claire squinted at him. “Are you… crying?”</p><p>“What? No.” Douxie splashed towards the wall, hauling himself out of the pool.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Jim asked, “Everything okay?”</p><p>Douxie shrugged. “I’m just a bit cold for swimming.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Song rec for reading: Fade Away by Breaking Benjamin. Honestly, their whole Dear Agony album is a good fit, just make sure your volume isn't too long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I Said I'm Fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Archie hopped up onto the kitchen table, where Douxie was sitting. He was staring at his guitar, not playing it, just staring at it. Dr. Lake was at work, and the changeling was suspiciously absent. “Douxie?”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Everything okay?” It obviously <em>wasn’t</em>, and Archie had a niggling little feeling that he knew what was wrong, but he was going to let Douxie have the chance to say it.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can play, Arch.” Douxie’s voice cracked, and his hands tightened on the guitar.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Douxie held up his hands. “They’re shaking too much.”</p><p>His hands were perfectly still, no tremors whatsoever, and Archie’s heart sank. “Shaking, hm? That <em>is</em> a problem.”</p><p>“And they’re numb.”</p><p>“Still cold?” Archie asked lightly, testing the waters.</p><p>Douxie nodded, looking down at his guitar. “And they hurt,” he whispered.</p><p>Ah. There it was. Archie believed that—the rest, however… He nudged Douxie’s hand with his head. “What kind of hurt?”</p><p>Douxie scratched Archie’s head. “Like they did when Skrael broke them,” he said quietly.</p><p>Archie froze, but forced himself to go back to normal as quickly as possible. He couldn’t scare Douxie off, couldn’t let him realize that he’d started talking about <em>it</em>. “Hm. Skrael, eh?”</p><p>“With an ice hammer,” Douxie clarified, and then seemed to shrink back into himself.</p><p>“Phantom pains?” Archie said quickly, steering the topic away.</p><p>Douxie relaxed again, just a bit. “Maybe. I dunno. Dr. Lake said they might take time to heal, that I should do hand-strengthening exercises.”</p><p>“We should get on that, then,” Archie said lightly, “What did she say you should do?”</p><p>The guitar disappeared, replaced with a glowing blue ball. “Squeeze a ball or something. There was other stuff too, but I don’t remember it.”</p><p>Archie rubbed against Douxie, purring. That sounded a lot more like him. “You need to pay more attention.”</p><p>“Ah, c’mon Archie, where’s the fun in that?”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Dr. Lake was woken up by the sound of crying, and she got up, bumping around in the dark to the babies’ room, the crying already fading away. She opened the door and saw Douxie, gently bouncing the now-sleeping baby.</p><p>“You’re up late,” she yawned, “Did the baby wake you up?”</p><p>“Nah, I couldn’t sleep anyway.”</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>Douxie set the baby down. “This is a lot easier without casts.”</p><p>“I bet.” Dr. Lake hesitated, then going off of instinct, “Your hands or arms bothering you?”</p><p>Douxie shrugged. “They ache a little.”</p><p>Dr. Lake gave him a look. “Is that’s what’s keeping you up?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Maybe. Yes.”</p><p>“Douxie… you have to tell me these kinds of things. You don’t have to be hurting—pain medication is a simple fix.”</p><p>“I know, I just… didn’t want to bother you.”</p><p>“What-?” Dr. Lake felt a spark of anger in her chest, and she folded her arms. “Douxie, it’s your HEALTH! You’re not <em>bothering</em> me! Who told you that you were a bother?!”</p><p>Douxie blinked at her, startled. “Um… I guess the knights? Morgana described me as ‘getting underfoot’ a few times. And…”</p><p>“And <em>Merlin</em>?” Dr. Lake guessed in a low growl.</p><p>“What? No, he didn’t ever—he mostly just sighed a lot, but he never said…” Douxie took a step back. “Let’s get back to the idea of those pain meds, good idea, I should have told you, very sorry that I didn’t.”</p><p>It was an incredibly poor attempt to change the topic, but Dr. Lake let it slide. She shook her head, walking into the bathroom and opening the medicine cabinet. She handed Douxie a bottle of Ibuprofen. “Every eight hours if your arms are bothering you,” she instructed, then paused. “Do you know if they work the same for wizards?”</p><p>Douxie shrugged. “Should.”</p><p>Dr. Lake eyed him for a moment. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. She was pushing into dangerous territory here, she knew that. But they couldn’t just avoid the topic forever.</p><p>“Fine. Been better, but hey, I died that once, so this is much better! Living. Definitely a plus.”</p><p>“Mhm. And. Um. A while ago. That night… has anything like that happened since?”</p><p>“By all of Mordrax’s Miracles, it hasn’t.” He hesitated. “Um. I might like to try that—that writing a letter thing. Or keeping a diary. You said it might help?”</p><p>Dr. Lake beamed at him. “Sure. I’ll get paper and a pen tomorrow, okay? You go back to bed—you need to sleep, or you’ll never heal up properly.”</p><p>Douxie nodded. “Thank you,” he whispered.</p><p>“Good night,” Dr. Lake responded with a smile. She hummed as she went back to bed.</p><p>He was starting to open up.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Archie wandered in on Douxie lighting a stick on fire. “Do I want to know what you’re doing?”</p><p>“Getting used to fire again.”</p><p>Archie softened. Was he… trying exposure therapy? “How’s that working out for you?”</p><p>Douxie held his hand close to the flame. “It’s warm.” The fire jumped, and Douxie jerked his hand back with a hiss. “Ow!”</p><p>Archie was at his side in an instant. “Are you alright? Are you burned?”</p><p>“I’m fine. It’s just a little heat sear.” Douxie’s hand went up, seemingly subconsciously, towards his throat, where bandages were still wrapped.</p><p>“You know Dr. Lake said you didn’t need those bandages anymore,” Archie said softly.</p><p>“I know. I just… don’t like looking at it is all.”</p><p>Archie rubbed against Douxie’s side. “It’s just a scar. I know it’s not… ideal… but…”</p><p>“It’s a weird scar.”</p><p>“Douxie… you don’t need to be worried about what you look like.”</p><p>Douxie held his arms out. “They don’t bother me.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Scars. In general, they don’t bother me. All the surgery ones, fine. I just…” Douxie inhaled deeply. “I…”</p><p>“Douxie?” Archie asked quietly, “Stick with me.”</p><p>Douxie ran a hand through his bangs. “Sorry, I just…”</p><p>No—he didn’t need to apologize, not for this. “No—it’s fine, you’re fine, Douxie, I was just… a bit worried.”</p><p>Douxie let out a shaky breath, and reached up again, undoing the bandages. Archie hissed in at the burn scar, shaped like a handprint. And Archie knew with a sudden, steely calm, that if he ran into the Arcane Order, there was a good chance that his dragon form would be much, <em>much</em> bigger, and he would try his hardest to turn them into a pile of ash.</p><p>“I guess it just makes me feel like they’ve still got ahold of me.”</p><p>Something in Archie’s chest started to ache. He curled up in Douxie’s lap, a growl rising up in the back of his throat. Douxie absentmindedly scratched his ears, and Archie’s anger faded away into something sadder. He curled up tighter, wishing that they could never leave this spot, and they could just stay like this forever, where Archie could protect his familiar.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Dr. Lake opened the door and found Douxie waiting for her. “Oh, hey, kiddo.” Archie wound around Douxie’s feet, giving her a friendly nod.</p><p>“Dr. Lake, I wanted to say thank you. For taking me in. And… I think it’s about time that I left.”</p><p>Dr. Lake set down her purse. What was this about? Archie looked just as surprised as she did—clearly this was news to him. “Douxie, you can stay as long as you n—”</p><p>“I know. And you’ve been fantastic—a real lifesaver. But I… need to go.”</p><p>“Any reason in particular?”</p><p>Douxie shrugged. “I can’t ask the hedge wizards to watch Nari forever. It’s not fair to them. It’s my job, and I need to get back to it.”</p><p>“What?!” Archie finally exploded, “Douxie, you can’t even use your staff right now!”</p><p>Dr. Lake frowned. “What’s that?”</p><p>A blue guitar appeared, Douxie holding it like a venomous snake. “I… haven’t been able to play,” he admitted, “Which is how I do some of my magic. But not all of it! I can still use it, I just…” the guitar disappeared. “I just can’t play,” he said in a very small voice. He swiped at his eyes. “It’s uh… I don’t know if it’s going to get better.”</p><p>Any possible words Dr. Lake could have said died in her throat. What could she say to that? She hadn’t known that Douxie played the guitar, so she hadn’t prepared him for this eventuality. She hadn’t thought that the damage would have stopped him from being a wizard, but of course he would have had hobbies and interests outside of magic, why wouldn’t he?</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said finally, “I don’t know either. But…”</p><p>Douxie held up his hands. “It’s not likely that it will get better, is it?”</p><p>Dr. Lake crossed the room, pulling him into a hug. “Nothing is for certain,” she told him firmly, pulling back and holding him by the shoulders, “I can’t say for a fact that your hands will get better. All I can tell you is to give it time. Do those exercises I gave you. Keep trying.”</p><p>Douxie nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>Dr. Lake took a step back, picking up her purse where she’d dropped it. “And why don’t you talk over leaving, first? Make sure that Archie and Nari are ready first.”</p><p>Douxie scooped up Archie. “Sorry,” he told the familiar quietly, “We’re a team—I shouldn’t have made that decision without you.”</p><p>“No, you shouldn’t have,” Archie agreed.</p><p>Dr. Lake ran a hand through her hair, leaving them to it. Why was she so desperate to keep Douxie here? Did she really think he needed more recovery time? His injuries were as healed as they were going to get, and he seemed to be getting better mentally, too. Or was she being selfish? She hadn’t ever been able to stop Jim from leaving.</p><p>Which made her sincerely doubt that she could stop Douxie, either.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>“What if he does not want to see me?”</p><p>Zoe gently pushed Nari towards the house. “Why wouldn’t he want to see you?”</p><p>“Because I am the reason he was hurt,” Nari said matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Oh, please. His own stupid decisions got him hurt, you were just a minor catalyst. C’mon, Archie asked for you specifically. And Douxie by extension, I guess. They both want to see you, okay?”</p><p>Nari fidgeted, her hands remaining firmly away from the door and doorbell. “But what if—”</p><p>“Oh, for Mordrax’s sake,” Zoe sighed, reaching over her and pushing the doorbell.</p><p>Claire was the one to answer. “Oh, hey! They’ve been waiting for you. Looooot of pacing. C’mon.”</p><p>She led them through the house—a nice, normal suburban house, not somewhere Zoe ever would have pictured Douxie to be staying. Claire stopped at the kitchen. Douxie was, in fact, pacing.</p><p>“Douxie?” Nari said softly.</p><p>Douxie froze when he heard her voice, turning around slowly, like he somehow hadn’t been expecting her.</p><p>“It’s me,” Nari continued, “It's Nari.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. But I Was Lying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Anyway, back to the heavy angst schedule.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was slipping—talking to Dr. Lake about what had happened that first time had just stirred it up again, she’d said he didn’t have to talk about it, but he couldn’t help remembering everything, couldn’t help thinking about it. Maybe Strickler was right—maybe he was still trapped there, because sometimes, sometimes he couldn’t remember where he was or who he was, and he couldn’t see anything, it was like he was blindfolded again. He’d wanted to leave, wanted to get away before they noticed—</p><p>He was slipping.</p><p>Unable to control his own thoughts.</p><p>Losing his mind.</p><p>Maybe there <em>was</em> something wrong with him, no matter what Dr. Lake said.</p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p>Douxie didn’t respond. At this point, he didn’t have the energy to tell them for the umpteenth time that he didn’t know where Nari was.</p><p>Ice started to form on his hands, chilling him to the bone.</p><p>“Are you trying to lose your hands, little wizard? Do you think that frostbite is funny?”</p><p>Douxie managed to raise his head slightly. “No, I think it’s hilarious. Just the word makes me break out laughing, say it again.” There was always enough energy for a sarcastic quip.</p><p>Skrael snarled. “You’ll lose that attitude, one way or another. Let’s see how you feel in a few hours.”</p><p>Yeah, he’d probably pay for that little comment. But every time Bellroc or Skrael came in to interrogate him assured him of one thing.</p><p>That Nari was still out there, and he’d made the right choice.</p><p>That didn’t make it feel any better when Skrael kicked him in one of his broken arms, making the whole world white out.</p><p><em>“Douxie, it’s okay, you’re here with us! You’re safe, they can’t hurt you</em>!”</p><p>“It’s only a matter of time before we find her. You may have scared her off with your little suicide threat back there, but we’ll find her, and when there’s a knife of ice to your throat and your mouth is iced shut so you can’t make good on your promise, she’ll come to us.” Skrael leaned in closer. “And then I’ll enjoy being able to slit your throat open and throwing your body out the window like we did to your master.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t rise to the taunt. He was, at the moment, trying to focus on two things; one, not passing out, and two, trying to not move.</p><p>Ice formed over his eyes and mouth, and Douxie instinctively jerked away. Skrael laughed. “Aww, does that <em>bother</em> you, little wizard?”</p><p>The manacles on his ankles dropped away.</p><p>“Get up.”</p><p>When Douxie didn’t move, cold wind swirled around him, propelling him to his feet. He whipped his head from side to side, trying to pinpoint where Skrael was, but the demigod’s voice seemed to echo everywhere.</p><p>“Run, little wizard.”</p><p>Douxie took a stumbling step forward. Something sharp and cold poked him in the back.</p><p>“I said <em>run</em>,” Skrael whispered in his ear, frost clinging to Douxie’s hair, “Or I’ll gut you now and ice over the wound.</p><p>Douxie stumbled away from the icicle at his back, and something sharp jabbed at him from the side, making him stagger away from that side, too. But then icicles were on that side, too, forcing him into a middle ground. The icicles at his back were there again, pushing him forward.</p><p>Douxie drew in short, quick breaths through his nose. He couldn’t see—he couldn’t breathe—and he didn’t have any choice but to go where Skrael wanted. He ran, although it was more of a stumbling stagger than a run. More icicles stabbed at his feet, making each step full of pinpricks of pain.</p><p>“Not so quick on your feet now, are you?”</p><p>He kept going, poked and prodded by icicles on every side. Then the ground almost wasn’t there, and Douxie pinwheeled his arms, stepping back from a precipice. The icicles on the side grew longer.</p><p>“Jump, little wizard,” Skrael laughed, “It’s not far, I promise. You can jump it, easily.”</p><p>Douxie balked. He didn’t know how far across it was, or how deep—how could he?</p><p>“Jump for your freedom, Douxie. Come on. It’s not deep, either. You can easily get out if you do fall. The exit to the cave is on the other side. If you want to leave, then <em>do it</em>. If you want to get away from us, then jump. It’s your choice. It’s not far, errand boy. Choose fast, before those icicles get you first. Pit or the pendulum?”</p><p>He had to make a decision—and fast. If there was a chance… Douxie backed up, then took a stumbling leap.</p><p>He didn’t make it. The pit was wide—far too wide for him to jump, even normally.</p><p>And, he learned as he fell, deep.</p><p>Douxie hit the ground with a bone-jarring <em>thud</em>, hard enough to shatter the ice that covered his face.</p><p>That left him open to scream. Or, really, whimper in a choked way.</p><p><em>Red hair like Bellroc’s. They’d found him</em>.</p><p><em>“Mom</em>!”</p><p>“I guess you didn’t want freedom badly enough,” Skrael hissed in his ear, “If you’d wanted it, you’d have made it.”</p><p>Douxie’s only response was a shuddering sob. Everything hurt, and he didn’t have enough control to move, or to stop himself from crying. His vision was starting to go fuzzy—but he couldn’t—not now—</p><p><em>He had to get out of here</em>.</p><p>His sobs cut off as his lungs seemed to freeze inside of him, making every breath a cold, painful effort. Which only made panic rise up in the back of his throat, making him breathe even harder. Skrael laughed, and the ice formed over Douxie’s eyes and mouth again. Time and space seemed to blank out for a moment—maybe he’d finally passed out—because the next thing he knew, he was chained up again, as if he could run anymore, as if there was anywhere for him to go, as if he could see well enough to get anywhere, as if he could even breathe with ice in his lungs.</p><p>“We appear to have some visitors,” Skrael was telling him. Sharp ice touched Douxie’s neck. “Maybe I should bring them your head.”</p><p>“Skrael!” Bellroc snapped, “Nari’s not with them—we still need him alive, for now.”</p><p><em>Nari’s not with them</em>.</p><p>Time was passing in a tortuous blur, somehow fast and slow at the same time, the world in cold, cold darkness.</p><p><em>If you’d wanted freedom, you’d have made it</em>.</p><p>Douxie didn’t know how much time passed—hours? Days, minutes, years, millenniums, seconds? It could have been any time, and he didn’t care, wouldn’t care, wouldn’t know the difference. Had Skrael and Bellrock killed whoever had found them, had they been killed, had they left Douxie to die here?</p><p><em>“Douxie, please, calm down, no one here is going to hurt you! Please, just…</em>”</p><p>“Douxie?” a female voice called softly.</p><p>Douxie went completely limp. Maybe if they thought he was unconscious, they’d leave him alone. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that voice wasn’t Bellroc or Skrael’s, but mostly he was trembling, hoping they somehow wouldn’t notice him there.</p><p>“Claire,” another voice said, and Douxie knew that they were right next to him.</p><p><em>Please go away, please go away, please go away</em>—</p><p>Magic sparked in the air, and Douxie felt like he was going to be sick. What were they doing? Couldn’t they just <em>leave him alone</em>? But they wouldn’t—they wouldn’t leave him alone. Douxie’s head started to spin. They wouldn’t ever stop, they wouldn’t ever let him go. Douxie let his mind go numb, disconnecting. <em>Please. Please, please, pleasepleasepleaseplease</em>.</p><p><em>He had to get out, but he was walled in, he was boxed in, there was no way out, he had to <strong>get out</strong></em>—</p><p>“Claire, stop. He needs you.”</p><p>Something broke through the ice, and then there was a tearing sensation on his ankles, like someone was trying to peel his skin away. Douxie jerked away from whoever was there, wishing he could say something, wishing he could tell them to stop, but the only sound that came out was a choked whimper.</p><p>Miracle of miracles, it stopped. Warm, blessedly warm arms held him, and a gentle hand brushed ice off of his face. What was this new trick? What were they doing?</p><p>“C’mon Teach,” a sad voice said, “Don’t do this to me—<em>please</em> don’t do this to me.”</p><p>Something clicked somewhere in Douxie’s numb, cold mind. Teach. Someone had called him that—someone he’d trusted, someone who’d been itching to prove herself.</p><p>He managed to open his eyes just a little bit, and saw white and purple, and shadows. Shadows… Morgana? But she’d died. Was he dying? Douxie closed his eyes again. Death… didn’t sound so bad. Skrael and Bellroc would leave him alone if he died.</p><p>But whoever it was wasn’t letting him go—they shook him, and a whimper escaped as every broken bone, and his throbbing head, were jarred and jostled.</p><p>
  <em>Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease</em>
</p><p><em>Help me</em>.</p><p>“Douxie, stick with me. C’mon, open your eyes!”</p><p>They’d probably hurt him for disobeying, would probably just force his eyes open, but he squeezed them shut anyway.</p><p><em>Help me</em>.</p><p>“He needs a doctor!”</p><p>Doctor?</p><p>Dr. Lake.</p><p>
  <strong><em>Help me</em>.</strong>
</p><p>He was drowning. He’d slipped, and he was drowning.</p><p><em>Red hair</em>.</p><p>Bellroc had red hair. So did Dr. Lake.</p><p>Dr. Lake—had something happened? Jim—Jim was yelling and… crying?</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Help me-</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He couldn’t get out—he was made of ice, cold, cold ice, and it was breaking, crack, crack, crack.</p><p><em>Please</em>.</p><p>Where was Archie?</p><p>Crack.</p><p>A hole in the walls—had he done that?</p><p>
  <em>Crack.</em>
</p><p>What was happening?</p><p>
  <strong><em>Crack</em>.</strong>
</p><p><strong><em>HELP ME</em></strong>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fun fact: this chapter was originally supposed to come right after the flashback/getting sick incident, but I decided to put it off just a bit. The last two chapters were completely unplanned.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Left Like a Shell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mom!” Jim yelped, cradling his mother in his arms, mind darting frantically around. Douxie had—he’d just exploded, and when his mom had tried to calm the wizard down… “Mom, wake up, please—She needs to get to the hospital!”</p><p>“This is my fault,” Nari whispered, “I am what set him off—”</p><p>Zoe leapt out of the hole Douxie had blasted in the wall. “Hisirdoux!” she yelled, running in the direction he’d disappeared towards, but he was long gone. Archie was right on her heels.</p><p>Jim scooped his mother up, turning towards the door. “Who can drive?!”</p><p>Toby found the keys. “I sort of can!”</p><p>Claire made a portal. “I’ve got you, this is faster!”</p><p>Jim gave her a look he hoped summed up his immense gratitude and jumped through the portal, stumbling into the hospital. The nurse at the front desk jumped.</p><p>“Barbara?” he exclaimed. He came over the desk, calling for a gurney. “What <em>happened</em>?!”</p><p>Jim ran a hand through his hair, chasing after the nurse and the gurney with his mother. “I—it was magic, I don’t know if you can do anything—” the enormity of that statement caught up with him, and he stopped in his tracks. “I—I don’t know if you can do anything—wait—I need to get Blinky, or Strickler, one of them will be able to—”</p><p>“Take a breath,” the nurse advised him as another nurse wheeled the gurney away, “Your mom is going to be okay. Try again. What happened?”</p><p>Jim took a deep breath. His mom would be okay. He had to believe that. “There’s this wizard—”</p><p>“Wizard? Oh, never mind, it’s not any weirder than trolls.”</p><p>“Anyway, he freaked out, and started floating, and glowing, and Mom tried to calm him down, but… he sent off some kind of pulse, and she just… collapsed.”</p><p>The nurse nodded. “Okay. Her pulse was steady, and so was her breathing. I think it was just a shock to her system—would you say that this wizard is particularly dangerous? Or hostile?”</p><p>The idea of it made Jim snort, despite the fact that Douxie had, in fact, just busted a hole in his wall. “Douxie? No way. I mean, I guess he could be dangerous if he needed to be, he <em>is</em> a wizard, but no.”</p><p>The nurse smiled. “We can’t claim to be experts on magic, but I think she’ll be just fine.”</p><p>The nurse who’d taken the gurney poked her head out. “We’re good! She’s awake!”</p><p>Jim shot through the door, where his mother was already getting off of the gurney. “I’m okay,” she assured Jim.</p><p>He wrapped her up in a hug. “I was worried…”</p><p>She laughed, tousling his hair. “What, that Douxie would hurt me?”</p><p>“Well, it’s just…” Jim thought about it. Even when zombie Arthur had stabbed Merlin, and Jim had been holding the wizard down, Douxie hadn’t really hurt him. “Hm. Guess not.”</p><p>“Did you manage to calm him down?</p><p>Jim hissed in. “Well… not exactly.”</p><p>“I don’t like the sound of that.”</p><p>“Didn’t you say at some point that you wanted to put another window in the kitchen?”</p><p>Jim’s mother frowned. “No, I don’t think I ever—oh, no. No, Jim, don’t tell me…”</p><p>“He’s gone. Archie and Zoe went after him, but… well, he was moving pretty fast.” Jim tugged his mother towards the door. “C’mon. We need to get you back home so you can rest.”</p><p>“I don’t want to rest, I don’t need—”</p><p>“Mom, you just got hit with a big magic spell, and we don’t know what it does. Please?”</p><p>His mother’s face softened. “Alright.” She glanced out the window.</p><p>“He’ll be okay,” Jim promised, “Once he’s away for a bit, he’ll—he’ll calm down, and he’ll come back.”</p><p>Right?</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Where was he? Douxie shook his head from side to side, as if trying to dislodge memories. He was overlooking Arcadia—oh, the sunrise point. But what had…</p><p>Everything came back in a rush. Dr. Lake lifeless on the floor, blasting a hole in the wall—Douxie’s legs gave out, and he collapsed. What had he <em>done</em>?! He’d attacked Dr. Lake, attacked his friends—</p><p>He’d hurt them.</p><p>
  <strong><em>Help me</em>.</strong>
</p><p>Douxie ran a hand through his bangs, breathing fast and hard.</p><p>What had he done?</p><p>Blue magic started sparking around him.</p><p>He didn’t deserve to be here.</p><p>He’d hurt them.</p><p><strong><em>Help me</em></strong>.</p><p>He should go back and check on them—</p><p>No, he should stay away before he hurt them again—</p><p>What was he supposed to <em>do</em>?!</p><p><strong><em>Please</em></strong>.</p><p>The world in front of him blurred, turning blue and glowy.</p><p>He couldn’t keep doing this—</p><p>He didn’t deserve to see them again—</p><p>He needed them—</p><p>It was so cold, why couldn’t he get warm, it was getting worse—</p><p>He couldn’t see them—</p><p>They’d hate him—</p><p>He needed to find somewhere safe. That one thought came with absolute clarity. He needed to find somewhere that no one could hurt him and he couldn’t hurt anyone.</p><p>In a daze, Douxie walked right off of the edge of the cliff, trusting his magic to catch him.</p><p>Somewhere safe, or at least somewhere there wouldn’t be any people.</p><p><strong><em>Help me</em></strong>.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Zoe dropped down into a chair. “Nada. He is officially one missing persons.”</p><p>Claire paced back and forth. “There has to be <em>something</em>—”</p><p>“Look, we searched, okay? Unfortunately, I don’t have any handy-dandy spells for tracking rogue wizards.”</p><p>“And his scent faded away,” Archie said softly. The cat was curled up, a forlorn ball, “I can’t find him.”</p><p>“I can try,” Nari offered.</p><p>Zoe sat straight up. “No way. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Order tracked you right down to Hextech after you tried locating the trollhunter last time. We can’t risk that again. I’m pretty sure the only reason you got away with it recently was because the Guardians attacked the Order right after you did it.”</p><p>Claire put her hands on her hips. “We’re stronger, and we’d be expecting them this time! And they wouldn’t have Arthur or Jim this time!”</p><p>“Wasn’t that the same logic you used when you fought them to save Douxie? I didn’t see you winning a decisive victory there, either.”</p><p>“But to find Douxie-!” Claire protested.</p><p>Zoe jabbed a finger at her. “To find Douxie nothing! The reason he went crazy and blasted off like that was because of what the Order did to him! How do you think he’d feel if the Order showed up and grabbed Nari because she was trying to track him down?! Everything he sacrificed would be for nothing!”</p><p>Claire dropped back. She was right there. “Fine. Fine, whatever, but we can’t give up on him!”</p><p>“You’re so melodramatic. Who said anything about giving up?”</p><p>The room started getting darker. “You’re the one who won’t do what it takes to find him!” Claire growled, “If you cared-!”</p><p>Zoe pointed her screwdriver-wand thing at Claire, the end sparking with pink electricity. “Look, princess, just because you have some oh-so-special shadow magic—”</p><p>“This isn’t about who has what magic, it’s about—”</p><p>“Don’t be trying to tell me that this is about Hisirdoux, this is about you having to be in control of every detail you can be because you can’t stand listening to someone else—”</p><p>“Guys—” Toby tried. Nari shrank back her hands over her ears.</p><p>The room was as dark as night now. “How <em>dare</em> you—”</p><p>“Hisirdoux might be your teacher, but I knew him first—”</p><p>“Oh, so what, this is a contest of who’s his favorite?!”</p><p>Toby raised a hand. “Girls, girls, you’re both pretty, I’ve got an idea—”</p><p>“It’s not a contest, and honestly, I couldn’t care less who he likes more, I’m just saying that <em>you</em> don’t get to barge in and pretend like you know what’s best for him! Because guess who was the one assigned to watch him and make sure he was okay? <em>I </em>was supposed to protect Nari, and thanks very much, I think I did a stellar job! How do you think you did, huh? Does he look <em>okay</em> to you?!”</p><p>Zoe’s taunt seemed to twist a knife in Claire’s heart. No. He <em>didn’t</em> look okay. And she didn’t know where she’d gone wrong.</p><p>An almighty ringing, crashing sound came from the kitchen, and both Zoe and Claire yelped, putting their hands over their ears and turning towards the sound. Toby was standing in the kitchen, his Warhammer smacked against a skillet lid. Nari still had her hands over her ears, and Toby dropped the skillet into the sink.</p><p>“I think I know how we can use Nari’s magic but not attract the Arcane Order,” he said, “Anyone want to hear me out?”</p><p>Claire and Zoe glared at each other, but turned their attention back to Toby. “What?” Claire grumbled, crossing her arms.</p><p>“Okay, so the Arcane Order would be tracking an energy signature, right? So what if we overwhelmed their senses?” At Claire and Zoe’s blank looks, he rolled a hand. “You two were giving off all kinds of magic-y vibes just now, right, Nari?”</p><p>“Yes, you were,” Nari agreed.</p><p>“Arcadia’s already a weird spot with magic stuff going on all the time,” Toby continued, “So what’s a couple of wizards fighting? I think if you two start using as much magic as you can, it’ll kind of mask Nari’s magic.”</p><p>“True,” Zoe admitted grudgingly, “It should.”</p><p>“Right. So why don’t you two take it outside and whip up a heckuva magic storm, and Nari and I will try to find Douxie? Well, Nari will. I’ll just stand here and encourage her.”</p><p>Zoe jabbed a thumb at the door. “Ready, princess?”</p><p>“Are you?” Claire responded coolly, opening the door and walking into the yard.</p><p>“Uh, guys?” Toby said nervously, “I don’t really think you should fight—that was just a jokey suggestion, just do a lot of magic—”</p><p>“Too late,” Zoe and Claire said in unison. Zoe threw a pink lightning bolt at Claire, who shadow-portaled away, coming right over Zoe and bringing shadowy fists towards the hedge wizard. Zoe rolled away, responding with a magic beam. Claire responded with a beam of her own, the two colliding. Claire pushed, willing her magic to hit the smug little—</p><p>Zoe gave an extra shove, and Claire had to warp away. She came out right next to Zoe, sending a flying kick into her side, then disappearing and repeating on the other side. Zoe fell with a growl.</p><p>Claire warped a few feet away. “What’s the matter?” she taunted, “All talk?”</p><p>“Guys—” Toby groaned.</p><p>“You’re a <em>cheater</em>,” Zoe panted, “Stand and fight like a real wizard—stop skulking around in the shadows!”</p><p>“You’re just a sore loser,” Claire sniped, performing another portal-and-kick.</p><p>Zoe grabbed her ankle, swinging her around and zapping her with lightning. “You run from all your problems? Did you run when Douxie needed you, is that what happened?”</p><p>Claire screamed in anger, lunging for the hedge wizard.</p><p>Toby’s hammer shot between them, pushing Claire back.</p><p>“Okay! That’s enough, both of you! Zoe, it isn’t Claire’s fault for what happened! And Claire, we’re not trying to kill anyone!”</p><p>Nari blinked at them. “He’s blocked me,” she said sadly, “When I tried to find his exact location, I hit a wall.”</p><p>Claire stared at the demigod, not sure what it was that she was hearing.  “So, what, we can’t find him?”</p><p>Nari shook her head. “My magic didn’t go far before it hit the wall—he’s close, probably still in Arcadia. But I cannot tell exactly where.” She shivered. “The wall… it wasn’t an intentional wall; he was not casting a spell. He was just… pushing me away.”</p><p>Claire’s heart ached. “We’ll find him.”</p><p>“<em>I’ll</em> find him,” Zoe growled, “You’ve done enough damage.”</p><p>“And you haven’t found him yet,” Claire snapped back.</p><p>“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Archie roared, sounding, for the first time Claire had ever heard, like a dragon. He paced between them, his tail lashing angrily. “Would the two of you stop?! You’re both acting like spoiled children! I don’t <em>care</em> if the two of you like each other or not, or whose fault this is, the important thing right now is finding Douxie! He’s hurting, and lost, and the two of you are being selfish and self-absorbed!” Tears sprang into the familiar’s eyes. “Do either of you even <em>care</em> about him? Because you’re certainly not acting like it.” Archie sprouted wings. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, <em>I’m</em> going to go find <em>my</em> familiar, because he <em>needs me</em>. And you two better get your heads on straight and figure out what really matters to you, because until you do, he <em>doesn’t</em> need <em>either of you</em>!”</p><p>“Wait!” Claire called as Archie flapped away. “Archie—” Too late.</p><p>The familiar was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...well, that got out of hand. I just figure that Zoe and Claire, both seeming to be independent and headstrong wizards, probably wouldn't get along very well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Letters from Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dr. Lake blinked as she walked in the house. It was silent as a grave, and there was, in fact, a giant hole in her wall. Oh, she could feel a headache coming on. “What’s going on in here?”</p><p>“Archie went back out to look for Douxie,” Claire said quietly. She was sitting at the kitchen table, looking like someone had punched her in the gut. “Zoe went to Hextech to see if anyone knew of a way to track him down. Toby went to search with Archie.”</p><p>“And you?”</p><p>“I… have some thinking to do. Zoe and I got into a bit of a fight, and Archie told us that we needed to get our heads on straight before we went after Douxie. And…” Claire sighed, her head in her hand. “I don’t know. Are you okay?”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“She’s going to rest to make sure,” Jim said pointedly.</p><p>Dr. Lake rolled her eyes, walking out of the kitchen. “Oh, who’s the parent here?” She paused at the top of the stairs, staring at the door to Jim’s room.</p><p>“Mom?” Jim asked from behind her, “You okay? Is something wrong?”</p><p>As if in a daze, Dr. Lake wandered into the room, opening the dresser cabinet. A stack of folded-up papers was nestled inside, and a notebook. He’d really taken the suggestion.</p><p>“Mom, you need to get some rest.”</p><p>“I just need to know,” she murmured. She pulled out the papers, then hesitated. Should she really be reading these? They were Douxie’s private thoughts, things he hadn’t ever been able to say out loud. She glanced down at the papers. One of them had her name on it.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Douxie,” she whispered, unfolding the letter.</p><p class="font-serif">Dr. Lake,</p><p class="font-serif"><strike>I’m sorry for lying to you</strike>. I haven’t been completely honest with you. When you asked if I’d had any more flashbacks, the truth was, I did. <strike>I just wasn’t sure how to tell you and I was worried you wouldn’t understand</strike>. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. <strike>And I was scared</strike>. And I’m sorry. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I can’t ever repay you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. <strike>But I’m scared and I don’t know what to do so I have to run</strike> But I can’t stay because I don’t want to put you in danger</p><p>Dr. Lake pushed her glasses up, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Douxie,” she said quietly, folding the letter back up and picking up another one.</p><p class="font-serif">Strickler,</p><p class="font-serif"><strike>I think I understand what you were trying to say about Prometheus</strike> I think you’re right about that therapist. But then again, I don’t know if I can be fixed. You’re right—<strike>I don’t think I’m okay</strike>. But I don’t know how to tell anyone and now I think it’s too late.</p><p class="font-serif">Dear Claire,</p><p class="font-serif">You’ve been an amazing apprentice. You’re smart and talented. And I think you’ll be okay without me. <strike>I need you to be okay without me I’m not sure I can be a good teacher for you anymore </strike>You’re strong enough to stand on your own. I hope you can have a good, peaceful life. Sounds a bit boring, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need anymore scares. <strike>I’m sorry if I scared you</strike> It’s been fun. I think you’ll do great things.</p><p>Dr. Lake opened the last letter.</p><p class="font-serif">Bellroc and Skrael</p><p>That was all that was legible. The rest was crossed out so many times it was completely blacked out. The pen had torn through the paper at some point, and the whole thing was wrinkled, like it had been crumpled up a few times. There were a few splotches on the paper as well, like it had gotten wet. Dr. Lake gingerly folded it and put all of the letters back. She picked up the journal, hands shaking.</p><p>
  <em>That’s private.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You shouldn’t read that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s not like the letters</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re violating his trust.</em>
</p><p><strong><em>I need to know</em></strong>.</p><p>Dr. Lake took a deep breath, opening the journal.</p><p class="font-serif">Dr. Lake said this might help. I don’t know. I’ll try it. I’m not sure what exactly I’m supposed to write down, here. I had a problem today. I jumped into the pool, and suddenly I was <strong>back</strong>. I was back and trying to jump over that pit. I don’t think anyone noticed, but Claire looked a bit suspicious.</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I had too many nightmares to go to sleep. I know I should sleep, I know I need to sleep, but I just keep having these dreams, and I don’t want to sleep. Besides, I can help Dr. Lake if I’m up. I can take care of the babies, keep them from waking her up. They’re so small—I actually don’t get the nightmares so much if I fall asleep in there.</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">The flashbacks are getting worse. I keep having them, without any triggers. They just keep happening. I can’t tell where I am, or when I am. Maybe it’s worse because I’ve time-traveled? I had one while I was holding one of the babies, and I nearly dropped him. I can’t keep going in there—I can’t hurt one of them on accident. I’ll just have to stay up some other way.</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I’m so tired. I’m half falling asleep, but I can’t go to sleep. I don’t want the nightmares. And… </p><p>The words trailed off into a line of ink on the page, like Douxie had nodded off while writing.</p><p class="font-serif">The flashbacks are happening almost twice a day. Maybe Strickler was right—maybe I need a therapist, but I think it’s too late</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Keep seeing Skrael</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">My arms keep hurting, why are they hurting so much?</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">It’s so cold all the time.</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I feel like I’ve got ice in my veins</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Why can’t I get warm?</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">They’re going to notice. Maybe I want them to notice, maybe they can help</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I’m so tired</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Everyone just expects me to be okay, but I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m <strong>not</strong>, I</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">So cold</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Can’t see </p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Why doesn’t anyone notice? Please notice, please—</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Don’t notice, don’t worry, I’m fine, I’m fine imfineimfine</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Please notice, please—</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Please, please, pleasepleaseplease</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I need help  </p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">No one is noticing, why won’t they notice—</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">This was supposed to help, why isn’t it helping—</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Help</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">I’m freezing, I’m so cold—</p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif">Please </p><p>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p class="font-serif"><strong>Help me </strong> </p><p class="font-serif"><strong> Someone </strong> </p><p class="font-serif"><strong>Anyone</strong>.</p><p> </p><p>“What the…” Dr. Lake muttered. From there out, the journal dissolved into an undecipherable mess. “Jim?”</p><p>Jim peered over her shoulder. “That looks like trollish,” he remarked, pointing at some of the words, “But I’m not sure what the rest of that is.”</p><p>“Some of it is a kind of secret wizard language,” Claire remarked. Dr. Lake didn’t know when she’d come up, but she nodded at the journal. “I saw it in some of Morgana’s books in Camelot.”</p><p>Dr. Lake touched the page gently. “I think that’s some Gaelic? And there, Old English? Maybe Greek? I don’t know. Walt would probably be able to tell us…” She closed the journal, tucking it back in the drawer with a sigh. “He wasn’t getting better,” she whispered, “He was just getting better at hiding it.”</p><p>Claire shook her head. “I had no idea,” she said quietly, “All that at the end…”</p><p>“He doesn’t know where he is,” Dr. Lake continued, “His head is so scrambled he can’t even write properly, can’t even stick to a language.”</p><p>“Douxie…” Claire murmured.</p><p>Jim took her hand. “We’ll find him. I <em>promise</em>.”</p><p>“It’s not a matter of finding him anymore, Jim, we thought he just had an outburst, that he’d calm down and come back, but…” Claire gestured to the journal. “That’s how he feels <em>all the time</em>, lost and jumbled and confused, and none of us even <em>noticed</em>!”</p><p>“Claire.” Jim took both of her hands, forcing her to face him. “We’ll bring him back. You brought <em>me</em> back. We can bring him back.”</p><p>Claire stopped for a moment, then nodded. “You’re right. We will.”</p><p>Dr. Lake shut the drawer, locking away the journal and letters. “I hope you’ve got your head on straight, because what Douxie needs right now is someone to help him.”</p><p><strong><em>Anyone</em></strong><em> to help him</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>FUZZBUCKETS, that font change took me FOREVER to figure out</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Feel My Soul Numb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KvGdT4teHk<br/>For listening while you read :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p><em>How do you find a panicked wizard</em>?</p><p>Claire shook her head. Wrong thought process.</p><p><em>If I were Douxie, and I were scared, where would I hide</em>?</p><p>Hm. Where would she…</p><p>Claire bolted through the streets of Arcadia, running until she reached a burned-out bookstore. Merlin’s bookstore. She gingerly pushed open the door, her footsteps creaking on the floor. The Arcane Order had really done a number on this place. She pushed through to the back. There was a trapdoor in the floor, and she pulled it up. “Douxie?” she called quietly.</p><p>“This was the first place I checked,” Archie’s voice said from behind her.</p><p>Claire jumped. “Were you following me?”</p><p>Archie sighed, landing lightly on the ruined floor. “Thought I’d check one more time. In case he came back here.” He sniffed. “His scent is really strong, here…”</p><p>“That means he’s close, right?” Claire rushed down the trapdoor into a basement, which looked relatively untouched, only a single rug on the floor and a few sconces with unlit torches in them. Douxie was nowhere in sight. “I…”</p><p>Archie flew down after her. “I didn’t think he would be. He was here, but wherever he is—”</p><p>Claire spun in a circle. “Why isn’t there anything in here?” She frowned at the rug. “Nothing but a rug…”</p><p>“Probably covering up a blood ritual spot or something, who knows what Merlin got up to?”</p><p>Claire grabbed the rug, yanking it away. There was a simple stone circle in the middle, with a niche in the center of the circle. “Odd…”</p><p>Archie touched down next to the circle. “That’s a spot for a staff.”</p><p>“A staff that Douxie would have,” Claire hissed, “Archie, is there any way we can fool this? Does it hide a compartment, or…”</p><p>Archie knocked on the floor. “Or a hidden passageway.”</p><p>Claire drew in a deep breath. What was she feeling? Concern. Anger at Zoe, at herself. Fear. <em>Magic is emotion. Don’t let fear control you. Use it</em>!</p><p>“Thanks, Teach,” she murmured under her breath, tears stinging her eyes.</p><p><em>Beyond there is your destination, your emotional anchor</em>.</p><p>Claire opened a shadow portal, and she and Archie fell through the floor. “You were right,” she said, maybe a little bit too loudly, her voice echoing, “Hidden passageway.”</p><p>The whole passage was <em>glowing</em>, strings of blue magic everywhere. Claire reached for one. “What the…”</p><p>“Probably best not to touch those,” Archie commented, gingerly stepping over one of them, “Could be magic traps.”</p><p>Claire jerked her hand away. “What <em>is</em> this place?”</p><p>Archie sniffed. “A maze, is what it is. I’m relatively certain it connects to the sewers. Merlin did like to always have an escape route.”</p><p>“And now it’s Douxie’s,” Claire said softly.</p><p>Archie hissed, and moved forward. “He’s made quite the web down here.”</p><p>Claire accidentally brushed one of the strings of magic, and it exploded into Douxie, and… her. He was teaching her shadow magic.</p><p>“It’s like in the wild woods,” she said quietly, “When he did the spell to make Arthur remember.”</p><p>“Who’s he trying to remind?” Archie responded, his voice so low that Claire could barely hear it.</p><p>They wandered through the web of magic, occasionally setting off a memory.</p><p>Playing with his band</p><p>Cuddling with Archie while snow fell outside</p><p>Getting his staff</p><p>Learning new spells</p><p>A possessed Claire ordering him away</p><p>Merlin scolding him for a mess he’d made</p><p>Falling back in time</p><p>Fighting Morgana</p><p>Building Merlin’s tomb</p><p>Morgana tumbling over the edge of the cliff</p><p>Claire shook her head. “Are these getting… sadder?” she whispered.</p><p>Archie’s back arched. “Just… try not to touch them.”</p><p>But the webs had gotten thicker, and Claire couldn’t help stepping on one, or brushing against it.</p><p>Merlin’s death</p><p>Falling through the air</p><p>An ice hammer, slamming into him.</p><p>Claire caught sight of a speck of black in all the blue. “I see him!”</p><p>She ran forward, and Skrael’s voice echoed around her.</p><p><em>If you’d wanted freedom, you’d have made it</em>.</p><p>Archie yowled, jumping up onto her shoulder, his tail a bottlebrush.</p><p><em>If you’d wanted freedom, you’d have made it</em>.</p><p>Claire ran towards Douxie, then hit a magical barrier. She could see him inside, curled in a ball, floating. His eyes were open, completely blue, no irises or pupils. “What the… Douxie! Let me in!”</p><p>“He’s in a wizard aura,” Archie fretted, “Oh, this isn’t good.”</p><p>Claire blinked. “A what?”</p><p>“It’s—it’s like stress. It’s supposed to be a temporary state that saves your life, heightened magic and all of that. But like stress, it’s not healthy for your body if it’s prolonged. If he’s been in a wizard aura since the house…” Archie knocked on the barrier. “Douxie!”</p><p>Claire held her hands out. “I’ll portal us in.”</p><p>“I’m not sure that’s a good—”</p><p>Just as the portal started to form, the glowing magic around them pulsed and throbbed, and tendrils of magic lashed out of Douxie’s bubble, tying her hands together. Claire tugged away with a jerk, and the tendrils let her go.</p><p>“No shadow magic. Got it.”</p><p>“He’s scared,” Archie scolded, “He’s scared, and you just used a kind of magic he’s had to fight before!”</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” Claire apologized. She peered at the bubble. “How do we get past?”</p><p>Archie walked up to the barrier, pressing the top of his head against the barrier. “Douxie?” he said quietly, “Can you hear me in there?”</p><p>Douxie didn’t move at all. He didn’t give any indication that he’d heard Archie at all. But the familiar kept talking.</p><p>“It’s me, Archie. We’re partners. I won’t ever hurt you. I didn’t know how much you were suffering, and I’m sorry for not noticing. I couldn’t help you then, but I want to help you now. Will you let me in?”</p><p>Tendrils of blue magic crept out, brushing Archie’s face. Archie held stock still, and then a small hole opened, just big enough for the familiar to step through. Once Archie was through, it sealed up, leaving Claire on the outside.</p><p>Claire put one hand on the barrier. “Douxie?” she asked, voice wavering.</p><p>The tendrils crept out again, covering her hand. Claire was almost immediately overwhelmed with feelings, pain, loneliness, fear, despair. She jerked back with a gasp, and the barrier stayed closed. She banged one fist against it. “Douxie!”</p><p>A pulse of blue magic pushed her backwards, setting off several memories of whirling pain and confusion. Claire stumbled away, making her way back to the bookshop, tears in her eyes. Zoe was outside, and she dropped the handle of the door to the record store.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>Claire brushed away the tears. “Nothing!”</p><p>“Uh-huh. K.”</p><p>Claire let out a shaky breath. Right. She had to put her problems with Zoe aside. “It’s just… we found Douxie.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>Claire crossed the room to block off the back room. “Hang on, listen. He’s got some kind of… magic web around him. And a barrier. It let Archie in, but when I tried…” Claire clutched her hand to her chest. “I… it kind of… I don’t know, maybe let me feel a bit of what he was feeling? And I just…” the wave of emotions from the tendril came rushing back. “It’s too much,” she whispered, “I don’t know how he…”</p><p>Zoe sighed, leaning against a table. “Don’t take it personally, he’s known Archie for <em>forever</em>.”</p><p>Claire’s hands clenched into a fist. “But I don’t think it’s because he’s known Archie longer! It’s because <em>I</em> couldn’t take it! <em>I</em> couldn’t understand, couldn’t share his pain, so he didn’t let me in!”</p><p>Zoe rolled a hand, making her way towards the door. “So your ability to take others’ emotions isn’t great. Then just stick to what you do best. Hanging around in the shadows." She headed out, disappearing into the records store.</p><p>
  <em>What I do best.</em>
</p><p><em>Hanging out… in the shadows</em>!</p><p>Claire opened a door to the shadow realm, slipping in. Douxie should be nearby—he was just below her feet, after all. She shivered. Funny. The temperature in the shadow realm had never bothered her before.</p><p>“Douxie?” she called.</p><p>A faint blue light glowed in the distance, and she made her way towards it, heart jumping in her chest.</p><p>It was Douxie. Well, a blue, spirit version of Douxie, but Douxie nonetheless. He was sitting cross-legged, his eyes closed.</p><p>And ice was creeping over him.</p><p>“Douxie?” Claire asked, touching his shoulder. While most of the spirits she’d encountered here were semi-solid, but without any particular feel, he was ice cold. “Douxie?!”</p><p>His eyes opened, but he stared sightlessly ahead. “So cold,” he chattered listlessly, his voice echoing.</p><p>“Douxie, c’mon, look at me. Look at me, Douxie!”</p><p>His brow creased. “Archie?” he said quietly.</p><p>Claire followed his gaze. There was a little window, and through it, she could see Archie, and the tunnels, but everything was tinted blue. Archie was saying something, looking up at the window with sad eyes.</p><p>“The eyes are windows to the soul,” Claire breathed. She was seeing out of Douxie’s eyes. She looked back at his spirit. Some of the ice melted away.</p><p><em>If you’d wanted freedom, you’d have made it</em>.</p><p>Skrael’s voice echoed around, and Douxie started to freeze back over.</p><p>“I didn’t make it,” he said hollowly.</p><p>“No, Douxie,” Claire said, her voice cracking, “It’s not your fault—<em>none</em> of what happened is your fault! You’re not to blame for—Douxie, he made it impossible! There wasn’t a way out, there wasn’t anything you could do!”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Archie reached out with one paw. “Douxie?” he asked softly, “If you just need me to… to be here… I’ll stay. I won’t leave you.”</p><p>“I didn’t make it,” Douxie murmured, his voice distant.</p><p>“Douxie… that’s why we’re here. Sometimes you <em>can’t</em> make it. But we’ll always—<em>I’ll</em> always help you when you fall short. I wasn’t there, then. And… I haven’t been doing the best job of being there for you since. But I promise, I <em>promise</em> that I’m here for you <em>now</em>!”</p><p>“No one… even noticed…”</p><p>Archie thought his heart might shatter into a billion pieces. “No,” he said softly, “We didn’t. We… we all thought you were recovering. But you were hurting.”</p><p>“Freezing.”</p><p>“I know,” Archie whispered, “I know. And I wish I knew how to warm you up. I’m sorry, Douxie, I…” his voice cracked. Douxie had gone so far—was stuck in a wizard aura, stuck with his worst memories closest to him. Could… could he even come back?</p><p>Archie curled up in his best friend’s lap, choking back a sob. “I’m sorry, Douxie. I’m so, <em>so</em> sorry. I’m here now. I’m…” tears fell from his eyes. “I’m here.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>The ice just kept spreading, making its way up to his face, spiking onto his cheeks. “No one… even noticed.”</p><p>Claire sat down next to Douxie, hands on her ankles. “We never knew,” she agreed, “We should have noticed—<em>I</em> should have noticed. And looking back…” she remembered when he’d stayed under in the pool, and how he hadn’t played his guitar. “It wasn’t like there weren’t signs. I think… maybe we just <em>wanted</em> things to go back to normal so bad, we… we ignored that there was a problem.”</p><p>“Freezing.”</p><p>“I know. I know, Douxie, I know now, and…” Claire jumped up. The ice had almost completely covered him. “Douxie?! Douxie, no—”</p><p>The ice started to cover Douxie’s eyes, and the window started to close off.</p><p>“NO! Please!” Claire begged, not knowing who she was asking, just hoping for <em>anyone</em> to stop this. “Please, no, Douxie! DOUXIE!” She knelt next to him. “Douxie, stick with me! Please, Douxie, you’ve made it so far, don’t give up on me now!” Claire lunged forward, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Please, Douxie. Don’t make me lose family again.”</p><p>Claire heard a cracking noise, and she pulled back. The ice around his eyes had melted, silvery-blue tears dripping from them. She whirled around to look back at the window. Douxie was looking down at Archie.</p><p>Archie was crying.</p><p>“No…”</p><p>Claire spun back. Douxie’s face was mostly free of ice, the remnants creeping back down. He mouthed something Claire couldn’t decipher, the silver-blue tears still falling.</p><p>His mouth moved again, no sound coming out, but this time, Claire caught it. <em>Archie</em>.</p><p>“He wants you back.” Claire jumped back in. She didn’t know if Douxie could hear her, but she hoped, desperately hoped, that he could. “We all do. Give us another shot, <em>please</em>! We’ll do it right this time. We messed it up—we <em>know</em> that. But this time, we’re not going to leave you!”</p><p>The ice had gone back down more, and Douxie turned his head, looking right at her. Claire caught her breath. Was…</p><p>Douxie blinked, his eyebrows scrunched. “Claire?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Feel My Heart Thrum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Claire grabbed him by the shoulders. “Douxie!”</p><p>His spirit and the window disappeared, and Claire quickly opened a portal back to the underground, catching him as he fell to the ground. Well, it was more like having him land on top of her as she tried to catch him, startling Archie, but she tried. She wriggled out from underneath him, helping him sit up as his eyes went back to their normal gold.</p><p>“Douxie?” she asked softly.</p><p>He groaned, running a hand through his bangs. “Oh, no—Dr. Lake—is she—”</p><p>“She’s fine,” Claire assured him, “No damage done.”</p><p>“I—I can’t go back—fuzzbuckets, I blasted a hole in her house!”</p><p>“Douxie—”</p><p>“I can probably live in the bookshop, right?”</p><p>“Douxie—”</p><p>“Jim must be <em>furious</em>-!”</p><p>“Douxie!”</p><p>He paused to look at her. “Yes?”</p><p>“They all just wanted you to be safe. They’re not mad.”</p><p>“You sure?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly.</p><p>“I’m sure.”</p><p>Archie jumped up onto Douxie’s legs, putting his front paws on his shoulders. “Don’t <em>ever</em> do something like that again!”</p><p>Douxie winced. “Ow! Arch, claws, claws, watch the claws!”</p><p>“We should have noticed that something was wrong,” Archie continued, “That was our failing. But <em>you</em> need to tell us when you’re not okay!”</p><p>Douxie looked at a loss for words. “Arch, I…”</p><p>Claire would have told the familiar to go easy on him—but she realized that he was <em>right</em>. And Douxie needed to hear it.</p><p>“We can’t help you if you won’t <em>ask</em>!” Archie’s voice was thick. “We’re supposed to be partners, Douxie! That means that we <em>trust</em> each other!” He gave Douxie a stern glare. “And that means if you’re suffering, you don’t <em>hide it from me</em>!”</p><p>“I…” Douxie lowered his head. “I’m sorry for scaring you,” he murmured.</p><p>Archie hopped down. “Good,” he mumbled, then nudged the wizard with his head. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Tired. Cold.”</p><p>Claire shivered, thinking of all the ice in the shadow realm. “Douxie? I…”</p><p>“You were there. But… not there?”</p><p>“I… was in the shadow realm,” Claire admitted, “I found your soul.”</p><p>“Oh.” Douxie went quiet. “What did you see?”</p><p>Claire didn’t answer. What was she supposed to tell him? That Skrael really had frozen him, and his soul was as cold as he felt?</p><p>“Claire?” Douxie asked quietly, his voice sad and small.</p><p>“It was freezing.” The words escaped her lips in a whisper. “You were covered in ice—but it was melting, sometimes.”</p><p>Douxie curled his knees up to his chest. “Oh,” was all he said.</p><p>“Douxie?” Archie asked.</p><p>Douxie ran a hand through his bangs. “It’s… a lot. And just… thinking about it makes me want to throw up, and I don’t <em>know</em> if I can talk about it, I tried writing about it, but I just—I couldn’t.”</p><p>Claire thought about the incomprehensible journal, and the scribbled out letter. “Try?” she asked simply.</p><p>Douxie quailed away. “I just… there’s so <em>much</em>.”</p><p>“You can’t solve a problem by avoiding it,” Archie said quietly, “You either confront this, or you’ll end up going into the wizard aura again. We got you back this time. We might not be able to do it again.”</p><p>“Right now?” Douxie asked in a small voice.</p><p>Claire looked around. Webs of glowing blue magic were still taking up corners of the tunnel, and the whole place reminded her uncomfortably of where they’d rescued Douxie from—part of her wondered if that was the reason he’d come here. “It doesn’t have to be now,” she said gently, “But you can’t go on pushing it aside. What happened here…”</p><p>“Right.” Douxie pushed himself up, then swayed on his feet. “Oh—fuzzbuckets—”</p><p>Claire jumped up to steady him. “Easy there, teach.”</p><p>“I’m—” Douxie stopped, as if biting back a “fine” and sighed. “Thank you, Claire.”</p><p>Archie flew up near the wizard’s head, flying circles around he and Claire. “You sure you can walk?”</p><p>“No. Maybe I should just stay—”</p><p>“You’re not staying down here,” Claire said firmly.</p><p>“I can’t go back.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Claire assured him, “Dr. Lake and Jim were worried, but the weren’t—”</p><p>“No—it’s not them, I just… <em>I</em> can’t go back.” Douxie groaned frustratedly. “I—I know they’re not mad, but I don’t feel right going back to their home after what I did, okay?”</p><p>Claire paused. “Okay,” she said quietly, “Okay. We’ll figure something out.”</p><p>“Bookstore.”</p><p>“You can’t stay there, it’s not safe! Bellroc really did a number on the place.”</p><p>“Claire,” Douxie said, his voice cracking, “Please. I can’t trust myself in anyone’s house, and I know you guys are trying to help, but… the back room isn’t burned out so bad, the walls and roof are still attached. I’ll be okay.”</p><p>Claire hesitated, then made the portal. “Okay. I’ll check in, though.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Wait—was this a trick? “And Douxie?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Don’t run off.”</p><p>“Sure thing.”</p><p>Claire spun to face him. “Promise me. Promise me that you won’t run off.”</p><p>Douxie didn’t answer.</p><p>“Douxie?”</p><p>“I—I promise.”</p><p>Claire stepped aside, letting Douxie walk towards the portal. “And Teach?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“We’re here for you, okay? You don’t have to carry this alone.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>The moment Douxie was through the portal and in the bookstore, his legs wobbled, and he fell to the ground, head spinning.</p><p>“Still pretending?” Archie said softly, “You look awful. You need some sleep.”</p><p>Douxie felt a jolt down his spine, cutting through the fog in his mind. “No!”</p><p>Archie sat down next to him. “Douxie… you’re running yourself ragged. You just spent nearly a whole day in a wizard aura—you can’t keep yourself up. You need to go to bed.”</p><p>Douxie pulled himself up to his feet, shuffling towards the back room, where he used to keep a cot. “I…”</p><p>The world shifted and spun, and he collapsed onto the cot. “Mmmkay,” he mumbled, “Just a… just a quick nap…”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Archie paced around the bookstore, keeping watch while his familiar slept. Eventually he crept back to the back room to keep watch. Douxie had curled into fetal position, shivering, and Archie spat a burst of fire in the air to heat the area up, despite the already-sweltering summer heat.</p><p>“Oh, Douxie,” he murmured.</p><p>Archie felt very, <em>very</em> small. Normally, he considered himself the responsible one, the one who handled everything. But he was at a complete loss as to how he was supposed to handle this.</p><p>“We need a therapist,” he muttered.</p><p>Douxie yelped in his sleep, and Archie sprang up onto the bed. “Doux—”</p><p>Douxie started to float, glowing blue magic surrounding him, and Archie transformed into his dragon form, flapping up and sitting on Douxie’s chest. “Douxie. It’s alright. You’re safe—it’s just a dream.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie was running, ice pricking at his feet.</p><p><em>Pit or the pendulum, errand boy</em>.</p><p>Merlin appeared in front of him. “Where’s Nari?” he demanded.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>Douxie was running, ice pricking at his feet. Left!</p><p><em>Run, little wizard. You can’t run forever</em>.</p><p>Douxie took a running leap over a pit—he could make it! But the pit suddenly yawned a thousand feet wider.</p><p>“Where is Nari, Hisirdoux?!”</p><p>“I don’t know, I—”</p><p>Douxie took a running leap over a pit—he could make it! Sharp icicles jutted up from the ground on the other side, and he impaled his feet on them, stuck in place.</p><p>“Little Douxie finally got his staff…”</p><p>His staff, where was his <em>staff</em>, he had to find it—</p><p>Douxie was running, ice pricking at his feet. He had to find a way out of here!</p><p>He ran right into an icicle that jabbed right through him, seeming to start to freeze his insides, ice creeping towards his heart.</p><p>“You’re safe,” the icicle said, suddenly strangely warm, “it’s just a dream.”</p><p>Douxie woke up with a start, and fell through the air, crashing down on the cot with a painful <em>thud</em>. The cot broke, sending him to the ground, and he stared at the ceiling, disoriented.</p><p>“Douxie?”</p><p>Archie was sitting on top of him, peering at him. “Hey,” he croaked.</p><p>“Nightmare?”</p><p>Douxie sat up, dislodging the cat. “Yeah,” he said quietly, still groggy and trying to shake off the dream. “I was running—and I couldn’t get away, no matter which way I ran.” He knuckled his forehead. “Why can’t I ever get away?!”</p><p>Archie nestled against his side. “It was just a dream,” he said quietly, “You <em>did</em> get away.”</p><p>Douxie pounded one fist against the ground. “But I <em>didn’t</em>!”</p><p>Archie was silent.</p><p>Words tumbled out of Douxie’s mouth, like a river he couldn’t stop. That he wasn’t sure he <em>wanted</em> to stop. “It feels like I’m still there, Arch, and I keep having flashbacks, and I’m not sure what’s <em>real</em> anymore!”</p><p>“Okay,” Archie said quietly, “That’s a start.”</p><p>Douxie flopped backwards on the ruined remains of the cot, staring up at the blank ceiling. “I’m a mess.”</p><p>“Yes. You are.” Archie looked down at him. “But you’re <em>my</em> mess, thank you very much, and I’m going to take care of you.”</p><p>Douxie covered his eyes with his arm. “Archie?” he said quietly, steeling himself.</p><p>“Mhm?”</p><p>Douxie hissed out a long breath. Here went nothing. His voice was barely a whisper, so soft, he wasn't even sure Archie could hear him. “I… I need help.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Endcap on this is tentative, there might be more than 13 chapters.<br/>But also I like the irony of ending Douxie's bad luck on the 13th chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. It Takes Time for All Things to Mend: But I’ll be Alright in the End.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>I found him</em>.</p><p>Dr. Lake kept re-reading the text from Claire, waiting for something else, but nothing came. Finally, she texted back, <em>Is he alright</em>?</p><p><em>Archie’s with him</em>.</p><p>Well, that was incredibly elusive and unhelpful. Dr. Lake set the phone down. Jim and Toby were back. And Strickler… well, she hadn’t seen him for a couple of days. Typical.</p><p>There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Lake bounced up to get it. Strickler was outside, looking distinctly uncomfortable.</p><p>“Where have you <em>been</em>?!” she demanded, “Do you have <em>any idea</em> what’s been happening since you left?!” Before he could answer that, she threw her hands up. “Douxie <em>exploded</em>! He went into some glowy wizard state and busted a hole in the wall and flew away—”</p><p>“He also attacked you,” Jim called from the kitchen.</p><p>Strickler’s eyes widened. “Barbara, are you—”</p><p>“I’m fine, <em>it wasn’t that bad</em>,” she called back to the kitchen, “and Claire’s found him, but I haven’t seen him since, and <em>where have you been</em>?!”</p><p>“Sounds like you were right. I <em>am</em> needed,” a sing-song accented female voice said from behind Strickler.</p><p>Dr. Lake’s eyes narrowed. “Strickler…”</p><p>“Ah. Yes. So. The last few days, I have been visiting an old friend. In Norway.”</p><p>One eyebrow rose. “In Norway.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And you didn’t see fit to <em>tell</em> me about this?!”</p><p>Strickler winced, stepping aside to show his friend, a troll woman. “Well, you see… she’s that therapist. And I knew you weren’t crazy about the idea, so I thought that maybe you should meet her fir—”</p><p>“We’ve got this—”</p><p>“Does Douxie blasting a hole in the house scream “I’ve got this?” to you?”</p><p>The troll gave Dr. Lake a small smile. “I know. You don’t want to bring outsiders into this, and you feel like you should be able to handle the situation. But sometimes you can’t—if he’d hurt himself physically, you’d take him to a doctor, yes?”</p><p>“I <em>am</em> a doctor.”</p><p>“Ah. Well, say he needed a brain surgery. You wouldn’t try that yourself, would you?”</p><p>Dr. Lake hung her head. “No,” she said quietly, “I’d take him to a brain surgeon.”</p><p>“Yes.” The changeling took Dr. Lake’s hand. “You don’t have to handle this yourself. I’m here to help—now tell me everything.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Douxie couldn’t sleep. Not after his nightmare the last time. He stared into the dark, listening to Archie’s soft breathing.</p><p><em>Little wizard</em>…</p><p>Douxie bolted straight up. What was that? He slipped out the door, looking for the source of the voice.</p><p><em>Run, little errand boy</em>.</p><p>Douxie whirled around in a circle, heart pounding in his chest. That was Skrael—how was he here, <em>why</em> was he here?!</p><p><em>You didn’t think we’d just let you go, did you? You’re such a fun little toy</em>.</p><p>Douxie put his hands over his ears. “It’s not real,” he whispered to himself, “It’s just another flashback, or a hallucination.”</p><p>Ice formed on the street, making the ground slippery. <em>Am I</em>?</p><p>“Where are you?!”</p><p><em>Try and find out, little wizard. By the time you do, it will be too late. For your friends. For you. By the time you find me, we’ll have Nari. And the Guardians of Arcadia will no longer exist</em>.</p><p>Douxie’s blood chilled in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. He ran, his feet pounding on the pavement. Much as he wanted to find Nari first, most of the Guardians lived in the same area—he could find them faster.</p><p>Wait—Archie was still at the bookstore!</p><p>Douxie tried to turn around, but icicles surrounded him on all sides, forcing him forward. Douxie summoned his staff, breaking them.</p><p><em>Run, little wizard</em>.</p><p>“Douxie?”</p><p>The ice disappeared, and Douxie whirled around to face Claire, pushing a stroller with her baby brother inside.</p><p>“Claire!” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Claire, are you alright? I heard Skrael, and he was threatening…” he looked around in a daze. “Wait—the ice… where’d it…”</p><p>Claire put one hand over his own. “Douxie… there wasn’t any ice.”</p><p>Douxie’s heart plummeted to his shoes. Mordrax’s miracles—not again!</p><p>“You wanna come inside? I can get Archie.” The volume of her voice kept changing</p><p>Next thing Douxie knew, Claire was half supporting him, walking him into her house. “It’s okay,” she soothed, “You’re alright. Have you slept at all?”</p><p>“Not much,” Douxie mumbled as she sat him down. “I tried, I just…” he hadn’t realized just how tired he was until he was half-asleep on the couch, and Claire was explaining something to her parents. The baby crawled over and tugged on his hand, and Douxie blinked blearily at him, starting to sit up.</p><p>“Hey—” Claire rushed over and picked up the baby. “C’mon, Enrique, leave him alone, he’s tired—”</p><p>Enrique started to cry, and Douxie made a little magic light that floated around the baby’s head. It drained him more than he thought, and he leaned back, his eyelids drooping back to a half-asleep state. Enrique stopped crying and cooed.</p><p>“Douxie?” Claire asked.</p><p>“Mhm?”</p><p>“I’m getting Archie. If Enrique bothers you, just tell my parents, okay?”</p><p>Douxie barely heard her.</p><p>Xxx</p><p>Claire portaled directly to the bookstore, waking up Archie, who spun around in frantic circles.</p><p>“Where’s Douxie?!”</p><p>“It’s okay, he’s at my house. He, uh… I found him wandering around. I think he had a hallucination or something.”</p><p>Archie closed his eyes. “Oh…”</p><p>“Look… I’m going to get the guys. Maybe Dr. Lake, too.”</p><p>“Alright. I’m coming.”</p><p>Claire made another portal to Toby’s house. She threw a pebble at his window and waved. He was down in minutes, and they made their way to Jim’s house.</p><p>“Oh, uh.” Toby shifted. “There’s someone else at Jim’s house.”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“A therapist?”</p><p>Claire felt like she’d been sucker-punched. “What?”</p><p>“Strickler… kinda sorta brought a therapist over.”</p><p>“What, for Jim? Is he okay?”</p><p>“No—I mean, yes, he’s okay, no, the therapist isn’t for Jim. Well, maybe. Who’s to say? Buuuuut…”</p><p>“You think they’re for Douxie.”</p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>“Great. Fantastic.” Claire knocked on the door. Strickler answered.</p><p>“Ah, Miss Nunez—”</p><p>“What did you do?”</p><p>“It’s time we considered outside help.” Strickler turned back towards Dr. Lake, who had her arms folded. “Barbara. I know we agreed that if Douxie saw a therapist, it would be his own choice, and it was his decision to make. But quite frankly, I’m not sure that he’s in the best condition to make those kinds of decisions for himself right now.”</p><p>Dr. Lake adjusted her glasses. “I mean, we can’t <em>force</em> him to see a therapist, it’s not like that’ll do any good, he doesn’t have to say anything to her if we make him go—Oh, hello, Claire. Toby. And… Archie… oh, no. What’s happened?”</p><p>“He… was having hallucinations,” Claire said quietly.</p><p>Dr. Lake sat down. “Oh.”</p><p>A troll came out of the kitchen. “Everything alright?”</p><p>Claire’s eyes narrowed. “Who’s that?”</p><p>“Psychiatrist,” Jim said, poking his head out from behind her, “For Douxie. And… anyone else who needs her.”</p><p>The troll sighed. “Your wizard friend?”</p><p>“He does need you.” Dr. Lake stood up. “I… he does. He needs someone to help him, and we… we don’t know how to do that. Like I said, we can’t force him to go, but…”</p><p>The troll smiled. “I’ll be in the living room, if he wants to talk.”</p><p>Xxx</p><p><em>Run, little errand boy</em>.</p><p>Douxie woke up with a yelp, startling Claire. “Sorry.” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, looking around to see the rest of the Guardians, as well as Dr. Lake. “Uh… Oh.”</p><p>“Douxie?” Dr. Lake asked gently, “Did you ever come to a decision on that therapist that Strickler offered?”</p><p>Douxie felt a yawning pit open in his stomach, and he started to shake. They thought he was insane. “Look, it was just… I know it looks bad, like I’m going crazy, but—”</p><p>“No one thinks you’re crazy,” Jim interrupted.</p><p>“But we <em>are</em> worried about you,” Claire continued.</p><p>“Yeah, man,” Toby broke in, “I mean, how could we not be? You’re not crazy, but you’re not exactly the rock ‘n roll wizard we know.”</p><p>“And we all knew that there would be changes,” Archie interrupted, “We knew we couldn’t just bounce back to the way things were.” He looked Douxie right in the eyes in that piercing way he could, like being Douxie’s familiar made him psychic. “But I’m thinking that what happened went beyond breaking your arms and giving you frostbite.”</p><p>Douxie went absolutely still, his fight or flight reflex starting to kick in. What did he do? “He made me run blind.” The words escaped in a whisper, and suddenly it was all pouring out in a torrent. “I couldn’t see anything, and there were icicles that made me keep going forward, and I didn’t know where I was going, and then there was a pit, and if I didn’t jump the icicles would have stabbed me, but when I did jump—” There was a lurching feeling in his stomach, like he was falling again. “I didn’t make it.”</p><p><em>Jump, little wizard</em>.</p><p>“I couldn’t see,” Douxie repeated, and it felt like everything was freezing over inside—he glanced around, half expecting to see ice creeping across the walls and floor. “I…”</p><p><em>If you’d wanted freedom, you’d have made it</em>.</p><p>Everything started to tinge blue, and magic started to pool around him. But all the magic fire in the world couldn’t stop the freezing, ice-cold sensation that was making its way from his stomach to his heart. Words were still tumbling out, but he barely even knew he was saying them.</p><p>“He didn’t even ask where Nari was.”</p><p>He was turning to ice.</p><p>“It was just… fun for him.”</p><p>His words echoed hollowly to his ears, like someone else was saying them. Everything he looked at was blue—some vague part of him knew he needed to slow down, that he was going to explode again. So he froze, holding absolutely still.</p><p>Freezing into an icicle.</p><p>Something warm pressed up against his side, and something else wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. Several somethings.</p><p>“Douxie,” a familiar voice said quietly, “Skrael’s not here. You’re safe.”</p><p><em>Safe</em>.</p><p>He had friends. They wanted to help him.</p><p>
  <em>Douxie, stick with me! C’mon, open your eyes!</em>
</p><p>Douxie blinked, and the blue glowing started to fade.</p><p>Hugs. They were hugging him.</p><p><em>Still shivering from Skrael’s cold, but there were people all around him, holding on tight and banishing the cold with their own warmth</em>.</p><p>They’d been there—since the beginning, they’d been trying to warm him back up.</p><p>Douxie clung to Claire’s arm like a lifeline. “H-help me,” he whispered.</p><p>“We’re here,” she promised, “We’re right here, all of us.”</p><p>They were. Claire, Archie, Dr. Lake, Jim, even Toby. They were all there, in one big group hug. But…</p><p>Douxie looked to Dr. Lake. “The therapist can help?” he asked, his voice small. It felt like betrayal—like stabbing his friends in the back. But Claire had said it—she’d said that they were there. She hadn’t said they could help.</p><p>“Better than we can,” Dr. Lake responded sadly.</p><p>Douxie squared his shoulders. “Okay,” he said, quietly, but confidently, way more confidently than he felt, “Okay. Then… I should see her.”</p><p>His friends pulled back from the hug, and Claire made a portal. “Are you… are you sure about this?”</p><p>“Positive.”</p><p>“We’re right behind you,” Archie promised, “if you want us.”</p><p>Douxie nodded, taking one last look at them. They had his back—they always had. Douxie turned back to the portal, letting out a deep breath and stepping into the portal, keeping their faces in mind.</p><p>When he stepped out, there was a warm glow in his chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whelp, I'm drunk on writing whump, here we go again.<br/>Thanks for all your comments and support, it's been great 😊</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>https://sergeantsporks.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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